“It only takes one person like that for there to be an overall impact on the family.”
The Christmas holidays are an opportunity to get together and share moments of conviviality with loved ones. But this period can also accentuate the less pleasant traits of certain people around us, especially when we stay with them for a long time. “After several hours spent together, some people start to reveal themselves, become annoying and can even play spoilsport.immediately emphasizes psychologist Caroline Cohen, interviewed on the media Urbania. For example, we can cite the bad player who cannot bear to lose during a game of board games; the cheapskate who, in addition to having brought nothing to the meal, leaves with the remains of the turkey or the smartphone addict glued to his phone 24 hours a day who spends his time taking selfies and publishing the photos dinner on the networks.
But the worst is the person who can’t help but criticize everything and who dwells on the smallest details. For example, the quality of the foie gras, the cooking of the capon, the arrangement of the garlands on the tree, the wrapping of the gifts or even the attire of the guests. “This person may not have malicious intentions, but their nit-picking or denigrating spirit can quickly tarnish the overall holiday atmosphere. And often, all it takes is one person like that to create a toxic and stifling environment, and for there to be an overall impact on the family.“, continues Caroline Cohen.
“When faced with this type of person, there are no 36 solutions: I can only advise you to put yourself as far away from them as possible or, at the very least, to ignore their comments.“, recommends Maïté Tranzer, clinical psychologist, whom we asked to react.
However, if it is impossible to avoid her and/or if her thoughts become too unbearable, another solution is to discuss it with her, ideally between 4 eyes so as not to display it in front of the entire assembly. “It is absolutely necessary to restore relational balance and use non-violent communication based on kindness by speaking about oneself in the first person (banning the “you”) and expressing one’s personal feelings so as not to make the person feel attacked. We must gently lead him towards questioning and make him aware that these moments are precious and that they should not be wasted with unnecessary criticism or moods.”
More radical, but saving, we can also choose to break the codes if a person is unbearable to us. “Nothing obliges us to spend Christmas with family. At Christmas, we create the family we want: we can choose to spend the holidays with friends, alone or even volunteer. As long as you find what you’re looking for“, concludes the psychologist.