With digital technology and social networks, young people have become accustomed to getting everything, right away. Here’s how to support them as parents and encourage them to look for themselves to make them more independent.
Being a parent of a teenager is not always easy. Between those who tend to rebel, or those who remain cloistered in their room, glued to their phone or their games console… Many parents dread this transition to adolescence. But it’s not just communication and authority that are called into question at this time of life. As young people have grown up with new technologies, social networks and the Internet, they tend to get answers to their questions almost immediately. And now, just ask ChatGPT, Alexa or Siri! Except that in everyday life, they quickly become lost when they cannot find their belongings or their house key. “Mom, where is my sports t-shirt? When is the doctor’s appointment?” In this case, artificial intelligence cannot replace mom or dad…
So, to empower them, it is in these moments that parents have a role to play! The objective: not to do like the AI by giving them the answer on a plate, but to encourage them to search for themselves, in short, like in our time, where we had to fend for ourselves, in certain situations . So, rather than telling him “look in your cupboard on the right” Or “the medical appointment is at 9:45 tomorrow morning“…Suggest that he go back to the discussion thread (since you had warned him the day before by SMS) or invite him to check his calendar, to come down from his room to read the post-it stuck to the refrigerator. In short , so many possibilities that will force him to make the effort, but also expect to hear the most common response of the moment: “LAZY!”
Whatever he tells you, know that this way of responding indirectly will help you support him in his efforts by empowering him and making him a little more independent. Otherwise, you risk doing everything for him, and the day he takes flight, he could well feel dependent. Specialists call this educational method “lighthouse parenting”, a good way to guide your child differently by always being present to redirect them if necessary.
For psychologist Cara Damiano Goodwin, a parent who does this “highlights the dangers present in their children’s environment, but ultimately lets their child steer their own ship,” she explained to the Huffington Post. The specialist gives other examples for this type of parenting which aims to promote autonomy: “give your child strategies to remember his homework” (but not do them for him) and “allow him to find his -even a compromise with one’s brother or sister, rather than serving as arbiter during arguments.” She also advises parents to show their teenagers that they have confidence in them. Nevertheless, “they must also be given the opportunity to fail and make mistakes while they are still supported by their parents. Otherwise, they risk falling apart when they first fail as independent adults “, she added.