Aodren grew up in the 1990s, a time when the diagnostic criteria were not the same as today. He wanders from doctor to doctor even though the first signs of autism appeared when he was a baby. “I was told that I couldn’t stand anyone other than my parents touching me or looking at me. This would immediately provoke tears” he explains to us. These tears actually hide a separation anxiety. This anxiety continues when he enters the nursery: “When it was time to go, there was always crying and more crying.”
Certain sensations are heightened tenfold for him. At 4 years old, he runs off after his father starts the motorcycle: “The noise was a source of suffering, it was like it was overloading my brain.” It is also very sensitive to touch. One day, he no longer feels hot and cold. “I started taking baths at 45 or 50°C calmly. I came out all red.” Aodren is a very anxious child. He has anxiety attacks and develops nervous tics. “When I’m nervous, I move around and frown.” He also suffers from sleeping problems. “I went to bed at 9:30 p.m. but didn’t fall asleep until 1 a.m. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and ended up very tired.”
“I had dark thoughts because I couldn’t integrate into society”
His differences are responsible for difficulties and suffering during his schooling. Like some autistic children, he becomes ambidextrous. “I started writing with my left hand even though I wrote very well with my right hand. When I changed hands, I could no longer get it reread. Entering CE1 was catastrophic, it was from that moment that I started seeing a psychologist.” The psychologist recommends hospitalization for speech therapy and psychomotor assessments. Diagnoses of dysgraphia and dyslexia are made, he begins speech therapy sessions.
Aodren also suffers from discreet tremors which concern health professionals. He took several exams during his primary school to diagnose a possible autism spectrum disorder. “but I was able to communicate and walk straight, so at the time I didn’t meet the criteria for autism.” The exams are grueling: “I had anxiety attacks in MRIs because of the noise of the machine. My father had to go into an MRI with me for over 3 hours to reassure me.” The examinations are repeated every 6 months and the diagnoses end up contradicting each other. “We were starting to get completely lost because we didn’t know what I had.”
“My teachers told me: ‘You’ll never succeed if you don’t pretend to be disabled'”
Relations with his comrades are complicated, he suffers from isolation: “When I played football, I couldn’t fit in with the group. I always stayed at a distance because I needed to have a safety bubble. I ended up making sand pies next to the field. There was a child who made sand pies with me. I know because my father told me but I was so in my bubble that I didn’t notice it.” Worse still, he is the victim of school bullying. “Until 6th grade, school was going pretty well, I even received praise through encouragement, but the problem came from harassment during breaks, because I was a child who stayed alone. I didn’t want to mix with the others, I was afraid.” Aodren doesn’t tell his parents. “I thought they would get tired of it one day, but it didn’t stop.” Undergo this harassment affects his mental health. “I had dark thoughts because I couldn’t integrate into society.”
The young man completes a CAP and successfully obtains his baccalaureate despite the anxiety attacks associated with passing the tests. “My teachers and supervisors tried to dissuade me from obtaining a diploma. I heard phrases like: ‘You’ll never succeed if you don’t pretend to be disabled.’ This time I did spoke to my parents, who supported me.” In 2016, his sister met a person with autism known as “Asperger” and recognized a lot of Aodren in him. “But at that moment I no longer wanted to hear the word ‘autistic’ because I suffered it as an insult throughout my schooling.” It was in 2018 that he had the courage to repeat examinations, still seeking a diagnosis.
This period lasts 6 months, punctuated by expensive assessments. After sessions with a psychologist, assessments of mathematical cognition, memory, occupational therapy sessions and even cardiac assessments, the “Asperger” diagnosis finally fell, Aodren at 29 years old. Today, with the writing of a book which traces his history and this testimony, the young man wants to send a message of tolerance: “We have no right to harass others. We must accept ourselves as we are, and above all accept others.”
Thanks to Aodren Charoy, author of “Asperger’s among neurotypicals” published by Vérone.