Published on
updated on
Reading 4 min.
Being single is not a defect, it can even be a choice! But it also happens that unconscious behaviors keep you away from a meeting. A relationship expert has listed the 9 most common.
There’s a big difference between choosing to be single – and living it well – and moping about not meeting the right person. If you are experiencing the second type of celibacy, perhaps you will be interested in this decryption. In the magazine Hack SpiritLachlan Bron, a relationship expert, discusses 9 behaviors that subtly repel candidates, without the eternally single even realizing it. What if this was your case?
They often erect barriers
It is quite common to find that those who remain perpetually single are often the harshest critics. But while having a list of criteria in mind is a good thing when making your choice, setting unrealistic or overly rigid criteria for a future spouse can actually discourage potential partners.
“It’s like building a fortress around your heart. Of course it keeps out the unworthy, but it also blocks everyone else.” recognizes the expert.
The problem with this behavior is that it often goes unnoticed. “People think they’re just being selective, not realizing that in reality…they’re just pushing other people away.”
They neglect the good side of people
In this search for “the rare pearl”, it is also common among singles to only focus on what bothers them (a flaw, very different interests, etc.) rather than appreciating what works well and you like.
“It’s easy to fall into the trap of striving for perfection, especially when you’re hoping to find your “soul mate.” But the truth is, no one is perfect.” recalls the expert.
When we focus too much on finding the perfect partner, we risk missing out on potentially great relationships with people who are just human and imperfect.
They are afraid of vulnerability
Being vulnerable can be terrifying. It involves opening up, revealing your true nature, and risking rejection. Yet vulnerability is an essential element of deep, meaningful relationships. A study conducted by the University of California revealed that people who avoid being vulnerable often have difficulty forming strong, intimate relationships. They may appear distant, making potential partners feel disconnected.
“If you’ve been single forever, ask yourself if the fear of vulnerability is holding you back. It takes courage to allow someone to see you – the real you – but it’s a risk that is often worth taking.” invites Lachlan Brown
They have difficulty loving themselves
It may sound cliché, but it’s a common behavior: many single people fail to find love because they struggle to love themselves first. “If you’re constantly criticizing yourself, doubting your worth, or comparing yourself negatively to others, it can be difficult to form a healthy, loving relationship with someone else.”
Self-love isn’t about being narcissistic or believing you’re perfect. It’s about accepting your flaws and recognizing your worth despite them. So take the time to think about your relationship with yourself.
They carry unresolved emotional baggage
Everyone has a past, and it often comes with emotional baggage. However, perpetually single people often have unresolved issues that hinder their ability to form new relationships.
“Whether it is a cheartache past, of a childhood trauma or a fear rooted in past experiences, this baggage can create a defensive wall around the heart, making it difficult to let someone in.”
Carrying this burden into new relationships can also lead to unfair expectations or comparisons and can prevent you from moving forward. If this is your case, and you cannot get rid of the past, do not hesitate to seek advice from a therapist who will help you find relief.
They are afraid of losing their independence
Accepting love often means accepting interdependence, which can be intimidating for some. For long-term singles especially, the idea of sharing their space, time, and decisions with someone else can be…scary. “They may fear losing their independence or having to compromise on their lifestyle.”
But love is not about losing yourself. It’s about finding someone who respects your independence as much as you respect theirs. A good reminder to read and reread.
They avoid risks
Love is a risky bet. It involves stepping into the unknown, taking risks and, sometimes, getting hurt. For those of us who don’t want to take risks, or who have been hurt in the past, it can be incredibly intimidating. But remember before you jump in: Only by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable do we create the possibility of deep, meaningful love.
“It’s okay to be cautious, but don’t let fear stop you from discovering the beauty of love.”
They believe in the myth of “the one”
The concept of a soul mate or “ideal man” is romantic, but it can also be restrictive. And it is again the notion of perfection that arises:
“People who cling to this idea often overlook potential partners because they are waiting for the perfect person who meets all their expectations.”
In reality, there are many potential “beings” and those around you are probably the best proof. Love is not about finding THE perfect person but about finding someone with whom you connect deeply and building a relationship with them through shared experiences. Don’t let yourself be limited by this soul mate belief.
They are not ready
Sometimes the simplest reason is that you’re not ready for love. And that’s okay.
“Love is not a race. It’s not about who gets there first or who stays single the longest.” reassures the expert.
Being ready means being in a state where you can accept and give love in a healthy way. This means having worked on your past, understanding yourself and knowing what you expect from a partner. Maybe you’re just not at that stage in your life yet. And when the time is right, love will find its way to you.
Slide: 20 mistakes to avoid on the first date