Published on
updated on
Reading 3 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Bridget Jones returns to the cinema for a fourth film. In this new part of her story, the heroine, who has become a mother, has also been a widow for several years. Can you find love again, or simply have fun, without feeling guilty when you have lost your partner? Psychologist Amélie Boukhobza gives us her optimistic opinion.
No less than 24 years after her first adventures on the big screen, Bridget Jones returns in a 4th part to the delight of her fans. But Britain’s most famous single woman (and the clumsiest too) is going through a difficult time: her great love, the famous Marc Darcy, died after 10 years of living together and two children.
The mourning of a spouse, a theme rarely addressed in a film
The released trailer of Bridget Jones: Crazy about him, a few days ago addresses this difficult theme with humor and tenderness: a single mother for 4 years, Bridget (played by Renée Zellweger) takes her role to heart. But she nonetheless remains a woman and asks herself many questions about what she has the right to do, when two (or three) very different men enter her life.
Do we have the right to still fall in love, or simply to seduce and have fun when we are a widow or widower? And what is the place of guilt (towards one’s children, those around them) in this diagram?
“Everyone does what they can…”
Bridget Jones ultimately asks a universal question: do we have the right to find love again after the loss of the one we loved so much? A question that combines pain, guilt and, sometimes, the timid hope of a new chance. For psychologist Amélie Boukhobza, it is above all about thinking about yourself.
“I would first say that there is no timetable for rebuilding. Everyone does what they can! Some feel the need to quickly turn the page, others remain frozen in silent fidelity, haunted by the idea that getting closer to another person would amount to betraying their loved one.
This guilt, more or less strong, can also become a real obstacle for the single person:
“And if I allow myself to love again, will I forget? Am I going to erase? What will people say/think about me? summarizes our expert.
To love again is not to deny the past
However, the psychologist maintains it: to love again is not to erase. “It is an act of courage. This does not mean turning our back on the past, but accepting that love is not a limited space. The heart expands, it has no limits. Like when you have several children! We can carry within ourselves the memory of the one we lost, while building something new.”
The stage of acceptance, essential to continue your life
Unfortunately, there are no instructions for rebuilding your life after the loss of a great love. Nor precise timing. But our psychologist underlines it: “The way to get there, if it exists, goes through acceptance: that of the void left, that of the memories which will not disappear but which can become a strength. To rebuild one’s life is not betrayal, it is is to reconcile oneself with the idea that one still has the right to happiness.”
“Surviving is not enough, you have to live”
So, do we have the right to start a new life after the loss of a spouse? “Obviously. But as with everyone who goes through this ordeal, it starts by allowing yourself a new story. Not because we forget, but because life goes on.”
And that is perhaps the greatest loyalty to a person who cared about us. As a line from the film sums it up quite well: “Surviving is not enough, you have to live. “