They can be very difficult to live with.
Selfishness is a tendency to prioritize one’s own needs and desires over those of others. We can all exhibit selfish behavior at some point in our lives. For example, when a person is going through a period of intense stress or suffering that causes them to withdraw into themselves. On the other hand, repeated selfishness can end up annoying those around you. “It is an adaptive behavior to a certain point: every individual needs a certain degree of concern for himself in order to protect himself, value himself and flourishexplains Myriam Sanchez, clinical psychologist. However, when this concern becomes excessive, it can transform into selfishness which harms interpersonal relationships and social balance.
The origins of selfishness are multiple, but most of the time it is born in childhood. “Developmentally, all children go through a phase of centrism where they have not yet developed the ability to take into account the perspectives of others,” continues the clinical psychologist. But environmental and educational factors can influence this phase. “For example, a child who grew up in a very competitive environment or who received messages valuing extreme individualism may develop a more marked form of selfishness.” Selfishness can also arise in response to an emotional deficiency where the child, not feeling valued or secure, adopts a defensive attitude to protect himself. Finally, “certain parenting styles that are too permissive can encourage a form of selfishness in children.”
They say that selfish people betray themselves easily. Their behaviors are often visible in social interactions. Myriam Sanchez cites 4 of the most common:
- the tendency to monopolize attention in conversations, focusing only on oneself and one’s own experiences
- lack of empathy or consideration for the emotions and needs of others, including minimizing their problems or dismissing their concerns
- emotional manipulation where the selfish person may use guilt or intimidation to get what they want
- the inability to compromise or accept sacrifices for the sake of others, whether small concessions or more significant gestures
“These behaviors may seem harmless in isolation, but when repeated, they often reflect a lack of openness and excessive focus on oneself”adds the expert. Interacting with a selfish person can be difficult, causing frustration and feelings of injustice. There are solutions according to the clinical psychologist.
First, establish clear boundaries “to protect one’s own needs and avoid finding oneself in a position of constant sacrifice”, express your feelings assertively (without encroaching on others) “so that the person becomes aware of the impact of their behavior, while avoiding entering into confrontation” and encourage reciprocal behavior “for example by emphasizing the value of mutual aid and listening, without forcing a radical change on the part of the other.” Then observe: “It is essential to assess whether this person is ready to open up to change; in certain cases, therapeutic support can be beneficial to help them develop their empathy and better understand the impact of their actions” concludes Myriam Sanchez.