Published on
updated on
Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Christmas is undoubtedly one of the most magical times of the year, but also one of the most complicated. However, when the spouse gets involved and remains inflexible on the choice of the location of the party, what to do? Our expert’s answer.
Like every year, the subject comes back to the table. In which (in-law) family to celebrate Christmas? Between personal desires, family pressure and logistical requirements, choosing the location for the party is often a real headache. A subject, which can even become downright problematic when your loved one refuses to give in to our arguments (even though they are extremely convincing). How then can we survive this annual dilemma? Advice from Amélie Boukhobza, expert psychologist.
Christmas: a concentrate of… family tensions
Do we really need to specify this? Christmas is a time full of representations, expectations and strong emotions. It’s a special time, when we want to experience beautiful moments.
The problem ? On the one hand, we are often tempted to celebrate Christmas with our loved ones, those with whom we grew up (brother, sister, parents, aunt, etc.) and with whom we share the same memories and the same traditions. . It is obviously in this family that we (usually) feel the safest.
But on the other hand, the spouse also has a say. And that’s where the problem lies. He offers you an adventure in unknown territory: spending Christmas with your in-laws. The dynamic is then completely different. No more pilou pilou pajamas on the 25th and feet under the table being served. In this situation, you have to show yourself in the best light. Without forgetting to take an interest in his mother-in-law’s Tupperware workshops and put on a good show in front of his clumsy uncle.
So, yes, this opportunity allows you to get out of your comfort zone, explore new customs – or even rediscover your partner among his or her family. But you don’t want to. In this case, what to do? How to react with tact and finesse? Here are our expert’s tips.
Ask yourself the right questions
“When we can’t come to an agreement, it’s already important to remember why we are so keen to spend time with one family or another. When there are children, it is often for them that we ask the question first. Where are their cousins, their landmarks, their memories? This often allows us to move beyond petty quarrels and imposed obligations to return to the values that really matter. It is also an opportunity to put to rest certain things that are left unsaid, because tensions can sometimes go back to habits or compromises that have never really been discussed.” underlines Amélie Boukhobza.
“Why not try a more flexible approach?“, she asks.
“Alternating every year is best, or finding a time to see both families, or even organizing a more intimate Christmas, just for the two of you, especially if there are no children. It is perhaps also an opportunity to invent new traditions that resemble us, to escape from too rigid expectations and create memories in our own image. says the psychologist.
The practitioner also recalls that a compromise, “is not a defeat“. Rather, it is a sign of maturity and mutual respect.
“So sometimes, letting go a little means gaining peace of mind and avoiding unnecessary tension. Christmas is not a competition between families, but a time of sharing where everyone can bring something different. We might as well live it in complicity and with a bit of flexibility.” advises the practitioner in conclusion.
Mark your calendars!
Slide: Christmas vacation: 10 tips to (still) relax