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Contrary to what one might believe, a couple does not break up overnight. In reality, you have to go through five stages before you reach separation or divorce. Here are the ones, according to an expert.
We tend to believe that breakups happen overnight. This can be true in certain cases, such as when one of the partners discovers the infidelity, for example. But very often it happens differently and the process follows different stages.
Five stages take place before breaking up, according to an expert
In an article for the HuffPostBecky Whetstone, an American marriage therapist, has identified five stages that lead to the breakdown of a relationship. Here are these steps to know, in order to identify them and try to save the situation, if it is still possible.
The first stage: disillusionment
The couples therapist speaks, for the first stage, of “disillusionment”. This happens when one partner feels dissatisfaction, but keeps negative thoughts to themselves. Generally, this feeling is not shared because he thinks and hopes that it will be temporary. But that distances him a little from the other, in reality.
The second stage: erosion
Ultimately, this first dissatisfaction persists and leads to “erosion of the couple”, which represents the second stage. From now on, the dissatisfied spouse criticizes his partner and these remarks undermine the cohesion of the couple. But for the moment, the person has not decided to break up, because of their financial commitments to the couple or to the children.
The third stage: detachment
This situation pushes the couple to move away from each other and an emotional distance sets in little by little. Generally, spouses spend a lot of time apart, looking for other activities outside their relationship. This could be a new hobby, working more or sometimes an extramarital affair. At this stage, those around them realize that the couple is no longer as united.
The fourth step: the last straw
At this point in the relationship, a trivial event can change everything. This moment comes when one of the spouses can no longer stand the situation. A simple gesture or an unfortunate word can then change everything.
The fifth stage: the official end of the relationship
At this stage, the marriage or relationship no longer exists and the breakup is often established or inevitable. Only in rare cases do some couples manage to put aside what they have experienced and continue their relationship. But in the majority of cases, this stage officially marks the end of the couple.
For the expert, there is no need to wait. “As soon as you notice that you have reached the erosion stage, it means that your problems are not going to resolve themselves and that you need to act.” she advises. If necessary, you should contact a marriage therapist. “It’s also the time to make the right decisions that will move you forward, never looking back again.”
Slide: Romantic breakup: 8 signs that the couple is over