It’s well known: a couple must be strong when they welcome a child. But some parents often get into this bad habit (for ease) and it can last for many years.
With the short nights as soon as the baby arrives, fatigue sets in. The responsibilities are increased tenfold as is the mental load and if the tasks are not correctly distributed between the two parents, it quickly becomes hell. Between work, meals, the little one to accompany and pick up from the nanny or daycare, household chores, bathing… parents all have the impression of running all day long. Few moments of respite, time for yourself, to go out or see your friends. In short, good organization is the key to better management. But like Julie, mother of a two-year-old boy, many parents make this same mistake, even though they are aware that it can harm their relationship.
“The first year I spent time getting my boy to sleep in his bed, but he woke up every night and several times a night. This lasted 14 months and it happened that I woke up 4 to 5 times each night to reassure him and put him back to sleep.”explains the young mother. Of course, her husband slept soundly and in the long term, Julie chose simplicity: having baby sleep with her. “At least I only had to give him his bottle of water or give him a caress so that he no longer felt alone and went back to sleep instantly, and so did I. It was only a matter of leaving from this moment that I managed to sleep through the night at the same time as my child“, she says.
Even though she knows that this is not really a solution, it is the only way she has found at the moment to no longer have to get up every night. “I have never really managed to let my baby cry in the middle of the night for long minutes, as the specialists advise. I know, however, that it will be even more difficult afterwards to put him back in his room.” she admits.
This bad habit is, however, risky for life as a couple: baby takes up all the space, and the older he gets, the more he “pushes” his parents to the edge of the bed, on the verge of falling out. “On several occasions, my husband went to sleep on the sofa, because when it was time to go to bed, he simply had no more room, and did not dare move the little one too much for fear of waking him up.” Patrice and Jenifer, other parents aged in their forties, told us that their daughter had slept with them until she was 6 years old.
For other parents, this is simply out of the question, and sometimes there is no choice at all, which solves the problem, especially when you have several children. “It’s their own bed, I never allowed my daughters to come and sleep in our bed, except if they were sick or not feeling well,” says Aurore, mother of three children.
Finally, if this way of doing things no longer suits you and you want to teach your child to finally sleep alone in bed, adopt the right rituals which will reassure your child during this new separation. A bath, a good meal, a story, the night light and bed. Initially, do not hesitate to stay with him if he feels the need, to support him in this new stage.