At work, some people hide their game well.
He’s nice, you can’t blame him otherwise. He appears friendly at first glance, he inspires confidence. He’s always the first to want to be helpful, to offer lunches or afterworks to bring the whole team together… but in reality, he only did it to identify the strengths and weaknesses of each person and gather information which he will use later? This work colleague that everyone (or almost) adores, you are wary of him and you may be right. Here are the signs that show that it is indeed toxic according to Pascal Anger, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist in Paris.
First thing to know, the toxic work colleague will try to destabilize you. Concretely, they do everything they can to make you doubt yourself. “He uses phrases such as “I thought that”, “I thought that”, even though he knows full well that he is lying. But he does it with so much confidence that he achieves his goal: you are no longer so sure of yourself.”details Pascal Anger. He is also someone who does not keep his promises: he promises to help you on a file, to call an important client for you to lighten your workload but he does not do it. Worse still, he does not hesitate to deny the facts by telling you sentences such as “I never promised you anything”, “you must have misunderstood”. Here again you doubt, you tell yourself that you have misunderstood…
“Your colleague may also pretend to be interested in what you say to him but this is simply to extract information from you that he will use to gain the upper hand on current projects.informs Pascal Anger. During a meeting, he doesn’t hesitate to take credit for a brilliant idea you told him about a few days or even hours earlier. The most astonishing thing is that he does it without any scruples. And then he makes you uncomfortable. You don’t know why but you don’t feel good around him. Something bothers you about his behavior or personality but you can’t really figure out what. You can’t be fully yourself when he’s around.
The toxic work colleague also does not hesitate to blame others: a late file, unmet objectives, an order error, a dissatisfied customer… “He always blames others and doesn’t take responsibility for his mistakes. Moreover, he does not hesitate to distort words or situations to avoid his responsibilities. And for good reason, he is the victim in the story“, comments our expert. The worst part is that he doesn’t hesitate to speak ill of others either. He will do it in a tone of irony so that “it comes across better”: “Your colleague very frequently criticizes the work, ideas or way of being of other colleagues. It devalues them, belittles them without providing constructive elements. But if he is capable of criticizing Marie for marketing for hours, understand that he probably says the same about you as soon as your back is turned.”assures the psychologist.
Thanks to Pascal Anger, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist in Paris