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An unconscious attitude, mainly feminine, could well harm your relationship, if you don’t put an end to it. Are you prone to love echoing? Find out.
Is your relationship struggling even though everything seemed to be working well? Would you not be the victim of a love echoing, or echo of love in French? Because under this poetic name hides a recurring attitude: that of ruminating in spite of yourself about your past relationships. And that’s not a good thing for your story at the moment.
What is love echoing?
It was Marie Land, an American psychologist specializing in “attachment anxiety”, who realized, after 10 years of consultations, that many patients shared a common trait: whether they were single or in a relationship. new relationship, women tended to ruminate on their past relationships to an almost self-destructive degree.
“Love echo occurs when you return to memories, thoughts, and experiences with a person you had romantic feelings for but are no longer with,” she defines in HuffPost. “This is a unique type of overthinking where thoughts of past relationships echo in your mind.” In short, while it is healthy and normal to sometimes think about your past relationships, ruminating on too many details and bringing facts from your past into your present can quickly take over your love life.
Fear of repeating old wounds
In love echoing, this tendency to think about the past is not proof that you miss your ex. It is rather the result of a fear, that of something that had gone wrong in your previous relationships and that you especially do not want to relive, even if it means constantly comparing your current one and your ex. For example, you did not anticipate deception from your ex, nor seen the signs. Today you fear not knowing how to interpret the signs in your current partner. The echo of love is therefore the impact that your relationships have had, the traces they leave. “In the world of dating and relationships, there is a lot of room for failure, but the echo of love wants to understand how he could have been wrong for so long, to avoid future harm.” adds the psychologist.
However, by trying to understand everything about your past, you are paradoxically setting your relationship up for failure, since you are leaving little room for a new person to enter your life.
A predominantly feminine trait
This tendency to ruminate on things is also quite feminine, according to the psychologist. And this for several reasons.
“First, women are more likely to use emotion-focused coping strategies, like seeking social support or thinking deeply about problems, things that may start as healthy ways of coping and then switch towards the unhealthy domain”, underlines the expert.
It is also women who are more prone to cognitive patterns such as self-blame and self-evaluation, which are closely linked to rumination. Finally, even today, women are socialized to be more attentive to relationships. “They often take on excessive responsibility for maintaining these relationships.” recalls the psychologist. Another mental load to add to their bow.
What to do if you tend to echo love
So what should you do if you recognize yourself in this post-breakup pattern? For Marie Land, it is important to note that it East healthy to take stock after a breakup, to take stock of our own behavior patterns and see what we can do better or what we can learn from this experience. When does this way of thinking become unhealthy?
If you overthink and it has no effect on your mood or actions, then there isn’t really a problem. But if you tend to get carried away with love, try to remember that your past relationships are like old movies: you’ve watched them, you know the ending, and hopefully, you’ve gotten something out of them. lessons. But if you’re letting these experiences influence your present or future, it’s time to change the channel.
“Comparing your current partner to your ex is not only unfair to your new relationship, it’s also unfair to you. It keeps you from being fully present, where all the good things – like connection, intimacy and trust – are actually happening,” continues the psychologist. It is then useful to ask yourself: is this thought useful? Is it relevant? Or is it just a fear that echoes from the past? If so, acknowledge it and let her go.
Because as the expert concludes, dwelling on past relationships while trying to form a new one, or even while being single, is a bit like trying to drive a car while constantly looking in the rearview mirror. This leads to accidents.
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