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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
We often wrongly think that chance and time are enough to fall in love. But in reality, three key ingredients are necessary for feelings to develop.
When you have feelings for someone, it can be difficult to determine whether those emotions are shared. Fortunately, an effective method can help others fall in love. More specifically, three specific elements need to come together, says James Allen Hanrahan, a dating and relationship coach based in Los Angeles.
What are these three elements?
The three elements that must come together for a man (or woman) to fall in love are “chemistry, compatibility and non-verbal communication“, reveals the romantic relationship coach.
“Without chemistry, you are just friends. However, compatibility is always more important than chemistry. If the distance is too great between you, or if for some other reason he judges that you are not compatible, he can continue to write to you and stay in touch, but it will lead nowhere”, he explains in the columns of the media YourTango. “Finally, his nonverbal communication will tell you everything you need to know to determine if he likes you or not“.
By non-verbal communication we mean all the little gestures that indicate that he is attracted to you (in other words, the whole body language). This can include: coming together, a caress of the hand, a smile, a sparkle in the eyes and an open posture (no crossed arms…). Sometimes a simple exchange of glances followed by a pleasant smile can be a sign that he likes you. But there’s no question of getting carried away! As said previously, three elements must be united for love to be born.
Chemistry, compatibility and non-verbal communication
1. Chemistry must be present
Chemistry is that intense emotional connection that binds two people who don’t know each other, says a study published in the Association for Psychological Science. This is very essential for sharing intimate feelings, thoughts and experiences. Alchemy gives confidence to the father and it implies, as a bonus, a mutual physical attraction, which can intensify desire.
“Alchemy seems almost magical, like a fire that suddenly lights up, an inexplicable attraction. But be careful, alchemy is not everything. It can be intense and yet fleeting. I think I would also talk about chemistry, the chemistry of love in the scientific sense of the term, smells, pheromones, etc. That counts too!“, reveals Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.
2. Natural compatibility must manifest
A natural compatibility between partners, in terms of values, interests and lifestyles, can make the relationship more harmonious and enriching.
“Compatibility is crucial in the long term. This is what makes us move in the same direction, that we share common values, life projects. Without compatibility, chemistry and communication may run out. I always say that a couple is about common fundamental values and respectively compatible life projects and expectations.“, confides the practitioner.
For his part, James Allen Hanrahan believes that “Men tend to be realistic about this. Even if they have some chemistry with you, if they suspect a compatibility problem (if you live too far away, for example), they will quickly realize that it won’t work.“.
3. Communication should be a priority
Lack of nonverbal communication is problematic in a romantic relationship. Indeed, text messages and calls are not enough to nourish a relationship.
“When a man (or woman) sees you in person, you have completely different conversations. Body language, physical contact and eye contact are key ingredients of nonverbal communication“, reveals the coach.
For her part, Amélie Boukhobza rather advocates communication as a whole, verbal and non-verbal.
“Communication is fundamental, it’s even a key point! But you still need to know how to talk about it. Be able to listen and clearly express your needs. But it is true that it helps resolve tensions and strengthen intimacy“, concludes the psychologist, before specifying: “We could also add a 4th C with trust and why not complicity! However, there is also something that cannot be explained in love“, she concludes.
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