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If you’re wondering how to save your marriage when you’re unhappy with your spouse, you’re probably not alone. There are different reasons for continuing a relationship that is doomed to failure and avoiding divorce. Here are four, reported by experts.
Some people are far from living a fairy tale when it comes to their personal lives. The honeymoon is over, the feelings are no longer there and yet, they are not thinking of divorce. Or rather, certain specific reasons push them to continue their union, despite everything. Here are the ones.
You stay for the children
One day, during an argument, your children heard you and to reassure them, you promised never to divorce your husband (or wife). Sometimes it is parents or in-laws who advise their children not to divorce, “for the children.”
While this seems commendable, it is not always the right decision to make. And it’s better to avoid making promises of this type to your children: you should instead rely on honest words that are appropriate for their age, whatever the situation.
Your families are close or have a good relationship with your spouse
Some couples meet through close friends or family (when parents and parents-in-law are friends, for example). Also, it may be difficult to separate in these circumstances, but also to seek support from your family, who generally appreciate your partner. “Although it is important to have the support of your parents, try to see your own best interests in the situation.” recall Poppy and Geoff Spencer, relationship advisors who respond to the media Your Tango. “Don’t stay in an unhappy marriage because it makes other people happy“.
You are (financially) dependent on your spouse
Some people want their spouse (often the wife) to stay at home, to take care of the children, for example. While providing for all of your wife’s needs may be laudable, it must not backfire on you and become financially dependent. Indeed, by not working, this exposes you to vulnerability, from a financial point of view. And sometimes it is impossible to divorce when the time comes.
Sometimes this dependence is emotional. Your partner alienates you from others, over time. “Gradually, you relinquish total control of your identity to your spouse. The gift of self is so subtle that your mind slowly lets itself be sucked into the void of your spouse.” warn the specialists. “You end up doing everything according to His will.” To get out of this spiral, it is necessary to get support from outside, especially from your friends and family.
You’re afraid to leave this marriage
Unfortunately, some relationships are built on fear and threats. For example, some spouses threaten to take away custody of the other’s children if he or she leaves the home. If this is combined with financial instability for example, it can weaken you and force you to stay in this union. “If this is your case, you should seek help from a health professional who can help you cope.” advise the experts. “You need to get out of this spiral of fear and look for alternative solutions. In any case, this type of behavior from your spouse should not be tolerated.” they conclude.
Slide: 10 tips for a successful divorce