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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
On TikTok, hundreds of Internet users begin to film and publicly denounce unfaithful partners. A false good idea? We asked Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, the question.
Vigilante TikTokers seem to be rampant on the Chinese social network. Indeed, many Internet users seem to take great pleasure in highlighting women or men who commit infidelity. Deciphering this astonishing phenomenon.
Secretly filming the unfaithful spouse… then exposing him
The concept of this Tiktok trend is simple: you just have to secretly film the offender (or the offender) then massively broadcast the video, taking care to share as many details about him/her as possible (clothes, location, etc.).
The other TikTokers then take care of finding the person’s account and their companion to warn them of the facts.
This is how TikToker @carolinerened did it. In June, she released a video where we see a man, on a plane, wearing a wedding ring and flirting with a passenger. The duo then kissed each other and then headed to the toilet. A sequence worthy of a film, viewed millions of times.
“If your husband is the one taking United Airlines Flight 2140 from Houston to New York, he’s probably staying with Katy tonight“, wrote e@carolinerened in the caption of the post. Post, which she ended by launching a call to action: “Do your TikTok thing.”
Result: in less than 24 hours, social media users were able to find the husband and his (official) wife.
An act of bravery, on the part of these vigilante tiktokers? Not really, say several experts.
Infidelity, a private matter
According to Leanne Yaurelationship specialist and polyamory educator for the dating app Taimipublishing these videos can have serious consequences.
“Suddenly hundreds, if not thousands, even millions of people are turning their attention to what is ultimately a very private matter.” she confides to Huffpost. “By exposing and shaming the cheater, you also draw a lot of unwanted attention to the victim.“
An opinion shared by Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.
“Another completely crazy trend! Expose suspected infidels and become a relationship vigilante, but by what right? In the name of what? The morality of Good and Evil…! No justice there, it’s pure enjoyment to see a so-called “infidel” being trapped in front of millions of people. Except that by revealing these private moments in broad daylight, we not only put the infidel in the spotlight: we also draw unwanted attention to the so-called “victim” (of whom we do not know if she is a victim). ) and certainly the family (if there are children for example). And it can be absolutely catastrophic when we know nothing about the terms of this couple’s relationship established between them, intimately!“, she regrets.
The expert recalls, in this respect, that only the couple themselves can define and set the framework for what they mean by infidelity.
“An innocent flirtation? A message? A drink with your ex? From the outside, we know nothing about it. What may therefore be a harmless act for some can be a real betrayal for others. And this vagueness creates a breeding ground for hasty judgments and misunderstandings… Each couple is free to establish the terms of their relationship, their agreements… and no one has anything to say about it, if it suits both partners Monogamy, polygamy, trople. , polyamory… Who are we to impose our vision of relationships on others, without understanding what is really happening between two people? underlines the practitioner, in conclusion.
Slide: 7 sentences pronounced by a narcissistic pervert caught in the act of infidelity