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Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
During a first date, are you at a loss for words? Learn to ask THE right question, thanks to the advice of Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.
How old are you? How many serious relationships have you had? Do you like to travel? How many children would you like to have? Do you want to get married? During a first date, many questions come to your mind. However, just one well-chosen question could be enough to determine if you are really in tune with each other… And here it is!
A personal question, aimed at exploring one’s emotions
No, the famous question concerns neither the astrological sign of the other, nor their number of current suitors. Rather, it is an intimate question, intended to better understand one’s feelings and emotions.
“On a first date, an essential question is worth asking“, confirms Amélie Boukhobza. Not to others, but to oneself: “Am I really myself with this person? Or not? Too often, we try to correspond to an ideal image, to please at all costs, when we are not really ourselves…!”, warns the expert.
The psychologist therefore recommends focusing on yourself during this first date. In other words, to listen to yourself, to let go, to have fun… and above all, to be yourself.
“Feeling free to say what we think, to laugh naturally, to speak without filter, is still a good indicator of the potential of a relationship… and of our well-being in this relationship… If we must constantly adapt, on the contrary, it may be a sign that it is not made for us or at least not made to last. So I would say that we must be attentive to. this sensation, because it is a good reference point… therefore a good guide!”, underlines the expert.
Beyond this first question, it is not forbidden to ask your partner others… quite the contrary!
First date: other questions to ask
According to Matt Abrahams, communications expert at the newspaper CNBC Make Itlistening to the other person – and responding to what they say – is a good strategy.
A good question must therefore respect these “three criteria”, he explains:
- Be concise;
- Build on what the other person has said (deepen the conversation rather than paraphrasing or summarizing);
- Revolve around a focused idea.
For example, if your partner tells you that their family was in town last weekend, you can ask them:
“How often do you see your loved ones?” Or “What do you do when they visit you?“
These “supportive” questions demonstrate that you listen to each other… and can also help you determine if you are compatible.
Finally, don’t forget… the seduction card! Playful and/or humorous questions are perfect for lightening the mood and making your partner smile.
“What made you want to meet me?” can add a romantic touch to your evening, says Blaine Anderson, an Austin, Texas-based dating coach and founder of Dating by Blaine .
Slide: Hands, lips… Decode the signs during a first date!