Annoyed by your children’s incessant complaining? A psychologist explains how to react effectively

A child who starts complaining about everything (and especially about what he doesn’t have!) only to end up whining all the time, does that mean something to you? This is normal, it is the daily life of many parents. A common situation, but one that is likely to make you tense. So how can we support this and react? A psychologist has the answer.

Frustrations… that resemble ours (but noisier)

On her networks, Becky Kennedy, a New York psychologist specializing in parenting, invites parents to take a step back and understand their whining, which can be very frustrating.

“Here’s how I understand whining. It comes from the fact that our child really wants something and feels powerless to get it in the moment. In those moments, their reaction says, ‘I really want this and I feel so helpless because I can’t have it.’

But on closer inspection, if the form is different, it is also a reaction that we have as adults. “Honestly, adults complain under the same conditions. So why are we so upset by our children’s whining?”explains Becky Kennedy.

According to the psychologist, if adults do not welcome these moments of childish complaint, it is mainly because they themselves may have been poorly received in their childhood, by phrases like ‘I’ll give you a reason to complain!’ or ‘Pull yourself together!’ “When we begin to understand why our children do something, it becomes easier for us to respond in the moment.”assures the psychologist.

Understanding better is one thing, but concretely, how can you react without getting upset? Here again, the psychologist explains what works for her, and which can help us.

First of all, remember as a mantra that within yourself, ““It’s okay, there’s no emergency, I can tolerate it and deal with it.” “Without that reminder, you’re just going to react emotionally and that won’t help.”

Then the key is to connect with the child, even if it’s difficult because at that moment you’re upset.”but connection is precisely the element that your child is missing at that moment.” it is therefore essential to respond with a “Hey I’m here, I know you’re disappointed, but we will move forward together.”

Finally, the expert suggests three ways to respond to whining, to defuse it:

• Humor “But how did this complaint get here? Come on, in the trash! Did you need something?” ;
• The reformulation, minus the tears. “So we ask more clearly “dad can you please take me this book?“and I will answer”but of course” ;
• The right to protest:No you won’t get this toy, but yes you have the right not to be happy“.

This way things are put more clearly, without any particular effusion.

Slide: Be consistent with your children!