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Even within a couple, some partners are more attached to control than others. But this one-sided character trait can quickly tip the relationship towards the toxic side. Here are some signs that will help you spot them.
In a relationship, whether one partner is more manic or better organized than the other is not really a problem, it can even be pleasant and help you improve. But when the difference leads to one partner taking power to the detriment of the other, the relationship tips into a harmful direction. It is therefore useful to put things into perspective.
When one of the partners intends to take control
“A controlling relationship is based on an imbalance of power”thus defines the site WebMD. What does this mean? That in some toxic couples, one partner dominates the other through intimidation, insecurity or guilt. Control can be exercised physically, emotionally, sexually, financially, spiritually or psychologically through various small everyday actions. But be careful, these are often more subtle than you might think and only noticeable within the couple.
“Many of us imagine a controlling partner as someone who openly berates everyone who gets in their way, is physically aggressive, or constantly makes threats or ultimatums,” the clinical psychologist stressed in the media Psychology Today. Gold “Controlling people use an arsenal of tools to dominate their partner, whether or not they or their partner realizes what is happening.”
The control freak is therefore not necessarily the intimidating and authoritarian partner that we imagine. It can also be a person who lacks confidence, precisely. But as the psychologist says, this unbalanced relationship cannot lead to a healthy situation. On the contrary, the logical consequence is often the appearance of emotional or physical violence.
Signs to recognize in a control freak
A partner who is bossy towards you can already be a red flag. But knowing that shy or insecure people can also need control, that’s not the only sign to look out for. According to WebMD, there are 7 more telling signs.
- Your partner doesn’t like being left out of your plans. This is a major warning sign: your partner doesn’t want you to have a life without him and doesn’t respect your need for alone time. If you leave the house without him, he starts texting or calling you to find out where you are and who you’re with.
- You feel guilty about spending time with family and friends. This may seem like your partner loves you and wants to spend a lot of time with you. But if your partner doesn’t encourage you to see the people you love, it’s a sign of controlling behavior. Being yourself and needing space is not a fault.
- Accusations of jealousy are common. A controlling person will often try to put you on the defensive by accusing you of flirting or cheating with other people. Even if he has past trauma from other relationships, he should not project his emotions onto you.
- Your partner often checks your text messages and other personal belongings. No matter how long you’ve been together, you should always be able to have your privacy. But someone who checks your phone calls, social media, or belongings without asking is someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries.
- You are constantly criticized. A controlling person is always trying to undermine your confidence and put you down in private or in public. They seem to want to point out your flaws and make you feel embarrassed by your quirks.
- You are regularly held guilty. A controlling partner will always say that their emotions are your fault. They will use you as a scapegoat and play the victim role, even in situations in which you are not involved.
- Your partner is distorting your experience. Some partners will try to do what is called “gaslighting,” in which they twist the truth or distort your emotions so that you question your own reality.
If you recognize yourself in this precise description, it is urgent to express yourself on this imbalance which weighs on you, to consult a therapist together to understand the cause of this behavior, or to review the nature of your relationship.
Slide: 10 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship