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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
As soon as you pushed open the door, you knew that he was the man of your life? Be careful not to get too excited, otherwise you risk exposing yourself to disappointment.
Ah, the “butterflies in the stomach”… It’s that famous mix of excitement and nervousness that invades during a first date. But how, when all the lights are green, can you not get carried away? Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, gives us some answers.
Getting carried away, a very common behavior
Because we loved his dimples, his humor or even his way of holding his fork… It’s easy to fall under the spell of the other person, during a first date.
“Getting carried away after a first date is almost a classic.“, recognizes Amélie Boukhobza.”We’ve all experienced that moment when the butterflies start to flutter a little too much, when our imagination runs wild, and we project ourselves into scenarios that don’t even have any foundations yet. However, this mechanism is often a subtle trap that our mind sets for us, between euphoria and idealization,” she warns.
Indeed, getting carried away too quickly can be disappointing: we fantasize about this relationship that doesn’t yet exist, which can lead to high, even unrealistic, expectations.
Moreover, this premature projection can also be a pressure factor for the other person… who may not be ready to move forward at this pace.
“So how do you slow down this mad rush and stay grounded? Well, it’s not easy, even if you always tell yourself that you’ll be more careful next time!” reveals the expert.
Realism must become a “new ally”
According to Amélie Boukhobza, being “realistic” from the first date would be strategic. Taking the time to get to know the other person better and build a solid foundation would be a better guarantee of success for a long-term relationship.
“First encounters are often conducive to projection. We catch a smile, a sentence that resonates, and presto, we fantasize about a relationship that doesn’t even exist yet. The first reflex to adopt is to bring everything back to the present moment. And if we had a good time? So much the better. But an evening is only a moment, not a contract for the future,” she recalls.
Indeed, in this initial excitement, we can quickly idealize the other.
“Everything seems perfect then. However, we must also remember that no one shows all their facets in one date. Not even us, right? So we take the time to discover the other, outside the framework of excitement”, recommends the practitioner, before specifying that getting carried away is also a form of “emotional imbalance“.
“The idea is not to give in completely to this initial excitement, because you risk losing the necessary perspective,” she explains.
But how to do it?
It is appropriate to “resume activities that refocus us, stay connected to our daily lives, and not let this date become the central element of our lives in the blink of an eye”, advises Amélie Boukhobza.
“If our minds start to make plans for next summer, even before the second meeting is scheduled, there is still time to say stop. We breathe, we take a step back. And instead of fantasizing, we focus on the moment: what did we really feel during this meeting? Were there signals of mutual interest or gray areas to explore? I often invite you to reflect calmly rather than rushing into expectations… and above all to listen to all the micro perceptions that we often prefer not to see at the beginning…“, concludes the psychologist.
Slideshow: Hands, lips… Decode the signs during a first date!