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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
Your +1 doesn’t want to get married or buy an apartment with you? While it is often said that projects are the “cement” of a couple, love could still flourish without joint construction. Explanations.
Moving in together, starting a business together, starting a family… Many projects enrich and strengthen a relationship. But when you don’t have common goals, how can you grow together? Is a romantic relationship doomed to failure or, conversely, can it last? We asked Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, the question.
Joint projects, the cement of the couple?
Whether it’s buying a house, traveling around the world, raising children or opening a restaurant together: all these marital projects may seem simple on paper (or at least, common) but they are in reality bearers of expectation and hope, of a common vision of the future and of shared successes.
Each joint project thus becomes a wonderful opportunity to strengthen one’s commitment to the other… while promoting communication and mutual trust.
In the event of difficulties (for example, the discovery of a health problem, followed by a PMA process), the challenges overcome often turn into strength. Indeed, these shared experiences offer a sense of collective accomplishment (“we managed to have a child”) which further increases love within the couple.
Finally, beyond the objectives achieved, each challenge overcome (such as a miscarriage here or multiple medical appointments abroad) or decision taken (an adoption) strengthens the cooperation of everyone in the entity.
Thus, shared projects are not simply stages of life, but pillars that sustainably and deeply root the couple.
Conversely, building together without projects would amount to simply living in the present moment, without a common thread or a common vision for the future.
“Love can flourish even without common construction”
So, can we (really) love for a long time without shared projects? While we would really like to say “no”, the answer is not so simple.
“At first glance, this seems difficult, because shared projects give meaning to the relationship, create a space for common growth”, says Amélie Boukhobza.
“As soon as there is a child or a life together, it is already a project in itself. So, we are talking here about a couple without children and who do not share the same roof. Two individuals who evolve side by side”, she adds.
After all, why not, as long as the respective expectations are compatible and the fundamental values are shared, believes the expert.
“If each supports the other’s ambitions and respects personal space, love can flourish even without common construction.” she concludes.
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