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Marie Lanen
Head of parenting sections (baby, pregnancy, family), psychology and beauty
Raising a shy child can sometimes be challenging for parents, especially when it affects their interactions and development. However, shyness is not inevitable, and there are several strategies that can help your child build self-confidence and overcome social anxiety.
Shyness is a personality trait that can affect some children from a young age. But rather than seeing it as a problem that needs to be solved at all costs, it is essential to adopt a caring approach to help your child thrive in sometimes intimidating social environments. While shyness can be a challenge at school or in everyday life, it is not an insurmountable obstacle. With the right support, shy children can develop their social skills while remaining themselves.
What is a “shy child”?
Shyness often manifests as a feeling of insecurity or apprehension when faced with new situations. Some children avoid interactions with their peers or are reluctant to participate in group activities. It is important to understand that this tendency is not necessarily a flaw. In fact, it can reflect great sensitivity, introspection, or even a need for time to adapt to new situations.
Parents (and teachers) must therefore be careful not to stigmatize shyness. Social or family pressure can sometimes aggravate feelings of anxiety, especially if the child feels judged for not being “like the others”. The goal should therefore not be to force the child to become an extrovert, but to support them in developing their self-confidence, at their own pace.
3 tips to support your child
Encourage without labeling him as a “shy child”
It’s crucial not to label a child as “shy,” as this can reinforce this perception. Instead, encourage open behaviors and recognize each step forward. Reward small victories, such as answering a question or interacting with a peer. The important thing is to set realistic goals and adjust expectations to your child’s pace.
Supporting self-esteem through your passions
Encouraging your child to participate in activities they enjoy can help them interact with others without feeling pressured. A club, sport, or artistic activity can provide them with points of connection with others.
Note: Shy children often find it easier to interact in small groups or one-on-one. Organizing games or activities where they can interact with just one other child can help them develop their social skills without feeling overwhelmed. Play fosters these connections, and once they feel comfortable in this type of environment, they can gradually open up to larger groups.
Avoid overprotecting your child
While well-intentioned, overprotecting a shy child can make them more passive and dependent. By doing things for them, you risk sending the message that they are not capable of handling situations on their own. It is better to let them have experiences that will strengthen their autonomy and self-confidence. According to Robert Coplan, a psychology professor at Carleton University (interviewed by the media voice), whose research focuses on shyness and loneliness. “They (shy children) are seen as quiet leaders. They encourage good discussion within the group about the different ways people behave” and “these children are good listeners.”
In summary, the key to helping a shy child is to support him with patience and kindness, while providing him with opportunities to develop at his own pace.
Slideshow: 10 tips to help a shy child