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It is often said that love is priceless. But marriage is priceless, both for the future spouses and for those around them. Indeed, guests are increasingly complaining about the often astronomical costs they have to incur to participate in the most beautiful day of their loved ones’ lives. Analysis.
“Everyone […] declined the invitation“. In a video posted on TikTok on August 10, Hassan Ahmed recounts with dismay that the 150 people he invited to his wedding declined his invitation. The reason? They did not want to pay the $450 (around 407 euros) required to participate in the ceremony. “What I don’t understand is why people spend more money on stupid things. […]. They pay $1,000 to see Beyoncé in concert, but when it comes to their friends and family, they can’t afford the same price.” he says in his post.
His comments sparked reactions on TikTok, and his video has been viewed more than a million times on the platform. A craze that is not surprising. The prospect of paying to participate in a wedding is something of a surprise. Because the $450 that Hassan Ahmed is talking about does not include the additional costs of his guests, such as the necessary travel to get to the ceremony location, the purchase or rental of appropriate clothing or even childcare. In general, Americans spend $580 (525 euros) to attend a wedding, according to a survey by the specialist company The KnotA figure that has increased significantly since 2019.
The pomp of weddings
However, this sum is significantly less than the tens of thousands that future spouses spend to celebrate their union. In the country of Uncle Sam, the average cost of a wedding was on average 35,000 dollars (about 31,661 euros) in 2023, according to The Knot. But in reality, many couples spend much more insane amounts to organize this festivity. Hassan Ahmed, for example, invested more than 100,000 dollars in his wedding ceremony, between the reception hall, the DJ and the photographer. An example far from anecdotal.
Because, over the years, weddings have taken on spectacular proportions. Custom-made wedding dresses, fresh flowers sometimes from abroad, suites reserved in hotels so that the bride and groom can get ready in the greatest calm – and luxury – with their loved ones, videographers, DJs and other performers of all kinds… Weddings have become grandiose events, often orchestrated by a “wedding planner”. The proof is that of the Americans Madelaine Brockway and Jacob LaGrone. The couple did things in style to celebrate their union, on November 18. The event took place in Paris over no less than five days, and was punctuated by receptions organized in some of the most emblematic places in France including the Palace of Versailles and the Palais Garnier. For a total budget estimated at 59 million dollars (or 54 million euros).
Guests sometimes forced to go into debt
Social media is no stranger to this trend. The hashtag #weddingceremony appears in more than 69.9 million posts on TikTok, compared to 4.3 million on Instagram. Ceremonies that have long been intimate are now transformed, by some, into quasi-public events. Much to the dismay of guests. X (formerly Twitter) and Reddit, the world’s largest English-language forum, are full of testimonies from Internet users who cannot afford to attend the weddings they are invited to.I have been asked to be a bridesmaid at my cousin’s wedding. The wedding is overseas, a 10 hour flight away. I looked at flights and I think my plane ticket alone will cost around 1600 euros or more. On top of that, accommodation will probably cost 600 or 700 euros or more, I’m not sure, then there are the incidentals and the wedding gift […]. I feel like I can’t afford all of this, especially when I’m struggling to save money to buy a house with my partner.“, confides an Irish woman on the community website.
This financial pressure is all the more significant because the presence of certain guests, particularly family members and close friends, is often considered obligatory by the future spouses. Guests are forced to dip into their personal savings to attend the wedding of a loved one, or even to take on debts. According to the loan company LendingTree23% of Americans have gone into debt of more than $2,500 (about 2,262 euros) to attend a wedding. But in some cases, this alternative is simply not an option.
If your budget doesn’t allow you to attend the wedding of someone you know, the easiest – and most financially savvy – thing to do is to politely decline the invitation. You can accompany your refusal with a small gift to help it go down easier. Avoid feeling guilty as much as possible: you can celebrate the union of the happy couple on another occasion, when your finances allow. As a consolation, keep in mind that the most lavish weddings are not necessarily the longest. Economists Andrew Francis-Tan and Hugo M. Mialon state in a study dating from 2014 that “The longevity of a marriage is inversely proportional to the expense of the engagement ring and wedding ceremony.” Enough to make more than one person feel less guilty.