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Do you know the 4F rule? According to Gary W. Lewandowski, professor of love psychology, this principle would make your relationship lasting and fulfilling.
Having common projects, going out together, celebrating each other’s small victories: to make your relationship last, all means are good! But one specific technique seems to bear fruit… It’s the 4F rule.
4F Rule: What is it?
According to relationship psychology professor Gary W. Lewandowski, whose comments were relayed by the media, Psychology Today, There are four main principles that help create a lasting and fulfilling relationship: friendship, pleasure, fulfillment and loyalty.
“When couples prioritize these items, they can focus on what really matters, without getting distracted by less important aspects.“, the professor believes.
1. Friendship
If partners rely too much on superficial qualities, “the relationship is at risk of running out of steam“, warns the expert. That is why he recommends basing your relationship on friendship.
“While we should find our partner physically attractive, it should not be the driving force that moves a relationship forward. In fact, research shows that the “friendship to love” journey is common, with 2 out of 3 relationships starting as friendships (Stinson et al., 2022),” he specifies. In fact, “When your partner is your best friend, you share common interests, communicate openly, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company.“, he continues.
2. Have fun together
Boredom is terrible for couples;it kills the chemistry of a relationship,” warns Professor Gary W. Lewandowski. That’s why it’s necessary to spice it up.
“In other words, couples should continue to go out and have fun together by engaging in new and exciting activities (Aron et al., 2022). Whether that’s trying new activities together, getting silly with each other, or maintaining a sense of humor,” he recommends.
3. Growing together
According to the professor, to last over time… you have to plan together, have a common thread.
“The best relationships don’t just focus on the here and now; they prioritize the trajectory of the partnership by emphasizing mutual support for continued growth. When this happens, couples aren’t just happy; they’re fulfilled.” he says.
To achieve this, it is necessary to encourage others (to be ambitious, to flourish in a new activity), to celebrate each other’s achievements and to work together towards common goals.
“When partners support each other in their growth, the relationship flourishes.“, confirms the expert.
3. Be faithful
Fidelity is more than just not cheating on the other person. Fidelity is more about loyalty, consistency and a commitment to maintaining the relationship over the long term, the professor explains.
“It’s about making decisions with the future in mind, facing challenges together, and continually reinvesting in the relationship. Loyalty requires emotional loyalty and a dedication to the growth and sustainability of the partnership.“, assures Professor Gary W. Lewandowski.
In other words, it is necessary not to take for granted the positive aspects of a relationship. It is a real daily work; where regular adjustments are required.
Keeping these four elements in mind, couples should “commit to maintaining or rekindling their friendship“, the expert believes.
“What qualities initially attracted you to your partner? Highlight them and look for opportunities to spend quality time together without worrying about the hassles of everyday life.“, he concludes.
Slideshow: 8 questions to ask your partner (and yourself) for a lasting relationship