“FOPO”: this fear of the opinion of others which prevents you from being yourself

Have you ever spent hours choosing an outfit to avoid criticism? Or laughed at a joke that didn’t really amuse you, just so you wouldn’t feel left out? These behaviors, while seemingly trivial, can be signs of a deeper fear: FOPO, or “Fear of Other People’s Opinions.”

This concept, theorized by psychologist Michael Gervais, “is above all a preventive mechanism intended to increase our chances of being socially accepted.“, he explains in an article in HuffPostThis fear of the opinion of others is therefore closely linked to another fundamental fear: that of rejection.

The different phases of FOPO

FOPO typically manifests in three distinct stages.

• First of all, there is the anticipation phasemarked by a constant stream of thoughts and emotions that invade you before a social interaction. You mentally prepare yourself for what others might think of you, seeking to avoid any criticism or judgment.
• Then comes the control phasewhere, during the interaction, you become hypervigilant. You carefully analyze the words, tone, behaviors, and facial expressions of your interlocutor. Rather than focusing on the exchange itself, you are obsessed with the image you are giving off. It may even happen that, so focused on the impression you are making, you forget the first name of the person you have just met.
• Finally, the adaptation phase causes you to adjust your behavior based on what you perceive to avoid rejection. This can include actions such as laughing at jokes you don’t find funny, just to be accepted.

This cycle of thinking and behavior can have detrimental consequences for mental health.”These phases of anticipation and control are exhausting, both mentally and physically.“, deplores Michael Gervais. This constant fatigue weighs down our mental load and can lead to real psychological distress.

Working on your self-esteem to combat FOPO

Fear of other people’s opinions is a complex phenomenon, influenced by multiple factors. According to psychologist Yves-Alexandre Thalmann, approached by the Journal des Femmes, some people are more predisposed to it because of their past, particularly those who were victims of judgment, exclusion or harassment during their childhood. However, this fear spares no one and can occur at any time in life, regardless of each person’s experience.

In short, FOPO is a reality that affects many people, often invisibly. Understanding this mechanism and its impacts is a first step in learning to free yourself from it and find a more serene relationship with yourself and others. So to remedy it, it is essential to work on your self-esteem. Yves-Alexandre Thalmann advises challenging yourself and taking action rather than anticipating criticism.

For example, put on a colorful piece of clothing that you wouldn’t normally dare to wear in order to get out of your comfort zone. This will not only teach you to feel more comfortable with yourself, but also to detach yourself from the gaze of others. He concludes: “The person must have experiences in reality to realize that these predictions do not come true.“.