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Reading 3 min.
in collaboration with
Johanna Rozenblum (clinical psychologist)
The multitude of magazine topics or discussions around couples, love and what an ideal relationship is, can have a downside: that of distancing you from what love really is. So, does too much love advice kill love? We asked Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist, the question.
“How to be more fulfilled as a couple?”, “What type of partner is really right for you?”, “What are the worst faults to avoid in others?” If you have doubts about your relationship or a meeting, don’t worry: topics and opinions are pouring down around you and will be able to tell you what “real love” is. But by hearing too much and deciphering your daily life and your partner too much, aren’t we missing the essential, that is to say what love is, necessarily more nuanced, in real life?
Love, a life goal that we all pursue
The question is far from new, because love with a capital L has long been at the heart of our favorite films, songs, books and stories…Humans are programmed as organisms to bond with a partner, and that is why love, relationships and matters of the heart are so fundamentally important to all of us,” “Marriage and family therapist Lisa Marie Bobby said on CNBC a few days ago.In this context, it is normal and can be helpful to seek advice on how to grow as an individual and be a more supportive partner in romantic relationships“, she continues.
But then, it’s the avalanche of advice, popular or not, that falls on us, and everyone can give their opinion, especially with social networks. Advice that is more or less well-founded, more or less reliable, but above all general, all black or all white. The ground is therefore slippery and can do more harm than good to our couple or our vision of the couple.
“It’s a great idea to try to educate yourself about how healthy relationships work and to do some work on yourself, but any time any of us substitutes the judgment of others for our own judgment and experience of reality, we can run into problems.” recognizes the therapist.
There are no perfect couples, but different ways of functioning
Consulted on the subject, clinical psychologist Johanna Rozenblum, a member of our committee of experts, is delighted that we are finally asking the question. Because the multitude of subjects on what a perfect couple is does not match reality, according to her experience.
“It is important to say that we are all imperfect, in love as in life! So there are no perfect couples, and that’s what’s great! The main thing is to be able to move forward in parallel, as a couple with your own way of functioning.”
Anger, a mistake, a distancing do not mean that the couple is on bad footing.It is probably worth remembering that there are couples who thrive on conflicts, on insults, and who thus find a way to burst the boil, to not let a situation fester. Others give themselves time, or need to stop talking to each other for a while. This does not mean that the couple is not functioning properly.”
The only rule to know: work as a duo
According to our psychologist, it is very clever of anyone who can give general rules in love and in a couple. “The The only rule that counts in love is to promote dialogue and to be sure that the other is on the same wavelength. We can decide to talk together, to breathe apart together, or to take some distance, but neither must “suffer” the other’s decision permanently. There is no good functioning, but it must be common”, she concludes.
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