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The beginning of a romantic relationship is often synonymous with happiness, ecstasy and discovery. Unfortunately, it can happen that we come across a person with bad intentions or showing excessive affection. This is why it is essential to remain attentive to certain romantic behaviors at the beginning of a relationship.
In love, it is easy to get carried away quickly when you think you have found your ideal other half. We let ourselves be carried away by the enthusiasm, spending every possible moment with this person, and little by little, they become an integral part of our daily lives. However, what may seem like the beginning of a fairy tale can sometimes hide much darker dynamics. Indeed, certain toxic behaviors, often difficult to understand at first, can gradually lead to emotional control, or even mental distress.
The Fake Fairy Tale
Have you ever had a partner who tells you about their family plans on the first date? If so, it could be “future faking,” a manipulation technique commonly used in romantic relationships. According to therapist Kara Kays, quoted by the American magazine Men’s Healththis involves describing a detailed and seductive vision of the future in order to quickly create a connection with the partner. But once the person is “conquered”, the manipulator changes behavior, becoming distant and sowing doubt. This scenario is often found in narcissistic perverts, who excel in the art of manipulating their partners.
Narcissistic perverts are individuals with a narcissistic personality disorder, characterized by a constant need for self-esteem and a disdain for others. At the beginning of a relationship, they appear irreproachable, multiplying attentions, gifts and promises of a bright future. However, this idyllic facade quickly collapses. After a phase of intense seduction, the narcissistic pervert gradually stops investing, and you then realize that all the promises made will never be kept. The fairy tale turns into a nightmare.
Confiding too quickly
When you’re seduced, the excitement can push you to want to share everything with the other person from the very first moments. This is what English speakers call “PMI” for “premature intimacy”. As its name suggests, the concept of PMI refers to sharing too quickly and excessively intimate details about your personal life, such as your future plans (marriage, children), your childhood traumas or your fantasies.
This behavior, unfortunately common, can have harmful consequences on the budding relationship. It can also include excessive physical affection or overly intrusive questions. Jessica Alderson, relationship expert, explains to the English magazine Stylist that “the gradual unveiling of personal details contributes to the pleasure of discovering the other over time“. PMI, on the other hand, can scare off a partner or make them appear in a way that doesn’t really suit us, thus killing the mystery and the budding attraction.
Step-by-step manipulation
It can also happen that the ideal partner hides dark sides at the beginning of the relationship and reveals them when you have more feelings. This is evidenced by “Spider Webbing”, which is a particularly insidious manipulation technique. It consists of trapping your partner at the beginning of the relationship through a series of manipulative processes, thus creating a hold that is difficult to undo.
This technique includes several forms of romantic manipulation: lovebombing (flooding emotions and compliments to create emotional dependency), breadcrumbing (giving hope for things without ever achieving them), therapy baiting (lying while pretending to be in therapy) and gaslighting (manipulation aimed at instilling doubt in the other person).
In all these cases, the victims find themselves under the yoke of the manipulator, who places himself in a position of strength, playing with their emotions and their perception of reality. Spider webbing, by combining these different strategies, makes the hold even more complex and destructive. Result: the victim of this trap can develop psychological distress or even depression.
In short, it is essential to remain attentive to the other person’s behavior at the beginning of a romantic relationship. The excitement of the first moments should not mask the warning signs (also called “red flags”). By identifying these toxic behaviors from the start, you can protect your emotional well-being and avoid finding yourself trapped in a destructive relationship. Stay on your guard, and do not hesitate to take a step back to evaluate whether your fairy tale is not, in reality, a deceptive illusion.