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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
Has your partner recently formed a strong bond with a colleague? Be careful, it could be emotional infidelity. Explanations from Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.
Emotional infidelity occurs when a person develops a deep emotional connection with someone other than their partner (a co-worker, friend, neighbor, etc.). The problem? If there is no physical or sexual contact with the other, this new relationship can weaken the couple and create a feeling of betrayal. Explanations.
Is emotional infidelity serious?
Complicit moments, heightened emotions, exclusive confidences… If, at the edge of the coffee machine, your two colleagues seem so passionate, it may be because they share a form of emotional infidelity. This is characterized by a strong proximity between two people who share many thoughts, feelings and common points.
“There are many contextual factors that determine whether an action can be considered emotional infidelity, such as personal and relationship boundaries, the tone and content of communication, sharing sensitive information, and breaking one’s partner’s trust.”explains psychologist Dr. Mark Travers in an article for Psychology Today.
“What is not ambiguous is that it can hurt as much as sexual infidelity. The feelings of betrayal, of jealousy and the resulting insecurity are just as real. Emotional infidelity has the potential to break relationships and, therefore, needs to be addressed.”adds the psychologist.
So, one can easily start to depend on this other person… rather than on one’s partner. One can also feel a form of excitement at the idea of seeing or communicating with this other person. The time spent with the other also counts.
Finally, emotional infidelity becomes real and dangerous when one begins to hide or minimize the importance of this relationship from one’s partner.
In fact, this attitude “can be perceived as a form of betrayal, even in the absence of physical contact“, says Amélie Boukhobza.”It occurs when one develops emotional intimacy with someone other than one’s partner: intense exchanges, deep confidences, and often an investment of time and energy that would normally be devoted to the main relationship. It is marked by a certain emotional exclusivity and a preference for another person, which inevitably creates an emotional distance with the partner.” she confirms.
What are the consequences for the other partner?
The effects, which vary, can be devastating on the neglected spouse:
- “Emotional distress with a legitimate feeling of betrayal and insecurity,” warns Amélie Boukhobza.
- “An erosion of trust with weakening of the relationship“, warns the expert.
“So even if the perception of emotional infidelity can vary from one couple to another, depending on the expectations and limits of each, it remains a betrayal.” she says. “As soon as we start playing games of seduction outside of the couple, “flirting” with another, starting a process even without going through with sexual intercourse or being sensitive to calls, it means that we are no longer very focused on our couple. Which should not exist in a balanced couple!“, she assures, in conclusion.