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Children are often more observant than we might think. It is sometimes necessary to remind ourselves of this, to set a good example for them. Here are 6 details that they don’t miss.
It’s a mistake to assume that your child, even a young one, isn’t aware of how you feel. Experts say they’re even more aware of what you try to hide on a daily basis than you think. Telling them doesn’t make you a bad parent, but it can be a helpful reminder about your daily complaints. This is what kids pick up on, without you even realizing it.
What you think about your partner, or the other parent
You might think you’re being subtle when you roll your eyes at your partner or huff after receiving a text.But children can pick up on these nonverbal signals“ Jazmine McCoy, better known as @TheMomPsychologist on Instagram, contradicts HuffPost. They are also able to detect criticism or negative remarks about the other parent even if you try to mask them as jokes or sarcasm.
“Children notice this dynamic, so do your best to speak well of other parents and caregivers around your child, even if they are in another room.”she suggests.
This is important regardless of your relationship with these people. Why? It helps the child feel safe, confident and cared for, more emotionally connected and less anxious.
The vision you have of your own body
Children are ““fully aware” of the way adults talk about their own bodies and the bodies of others, said nutritionist Alyssa Miller of the Instagram account @nutrition.for.littles. . If you criticize your own physique often, they learn through that what is considered good and bad, desirable and undesirable.
“They look at how you look in the mirror and can draw conclusions from that. They notice if you delete a lot of photos of yourself or if you avoid getting in front of the camera altogether.” she emphasizes.
A way to feed complexes in your children? Possible. “Adults constantly show children how to perceive their own bodies through their daily actions”she said.Think about it: No baby or toddler is self-conscious about their belly, thighs, or waist until they hear comments or witness insecurities about it.
The values that really matter to you (despite what you say)
Sometimes there is a difference between what you say and how you actually act. And children know the difference.
For example, you might tell your child that sports are about working as a team, learning new skills, and having a good time with your friends. “But when you get them back after the game, your first question is, ‘Who won?'” illustrates clinical psychologist Laura Markham to HuffPost. Same with the speech about the importance of being honest, when you then make him lie about his age to get a cheaper ticket to the amusement park.
“Regardless of what you consciously teach them, your children will emerge from childhood with a clear vision of what their parents truly value and with their own well-developed value system.”she added. So it is better to be consistent.
Your Self-Compassion (or Lack of Compassion)
“One thing I’ve noticed over and over again is that even though children have different temperaments, their ability to give and receive grace and compassion often mirrors that of the adults around them.”says Alyssa Miller. How you personally react to a situation will then count in his education.
“Many people who lack compassion or are hard on themselves inadvertently teach children to be critical and hard on themselves,” she said. “Conversely, adults who are gentle with themselves, admit their mistakes and move past them, teach children resilience and use mistakes as learning opportunities.”
Your relationship with food
Another sensitive but important topic: children are attentive to the eating habits of the adults around them as well as the way they talk about food. This is even the basis for their own food choices and the beliefs they will develop about food.
“Innocent comments like ‘That’s dangerous’ over a plate of cookies, calling foods ‘good’ or ‘bad’, skipping meals or expressing guilt about eating are all observed and internalized by children.”continues the expert.
Over time, such comments and behaviors shape a child’s relationship with food,”potentially leading to habits or unhealthy eating attitudes“.
The way you talk about him to other adults
Your child has done something stupid or made a mistake, and now you are discussing it openly or sarcastically with a friend, thinking that it doesn’t affect your child. It doesn’t.
“They may not know what all this means, but they can understand that you are thinking negatively about what happened, and that can have a negative impact on their self-esteem and their relationship with you”recalls Jazmine McCoy.
When you’re talking to a friend, parent or co-parent, whether on the phone or in person, about something that happened with your child, be mindful of the language you use. The idea is to talk about the lesson learned or how you solved the problem rather than focusing on the mistake or problem, the expert advises.
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