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Does your child feel bad at school? Is he constantly comparing himself to his other classmates? A psychologist reveals the right reaction to adopt as a parent.
“Rémi is better than me in French“, “Rose beats me in the race“… It is difficult to grow and flourish in the face of the talent of others. A competition, which can have significant negative effects, in particular by reducing the self-esteem of certain children.
Validate your children’s perception
Becky Kennedy, a psychologist specializing in parenting, spoke about this “match” on the schoolyard benches in a video posted on her Instagram account.
“When our children share that other children can read before them… or that other children run faster… They’re not really looking for a parent to say, ‘No, that’s not true!’ or ‘Well, you’re good at something else!’ What are our children looking for? They want us to be less afraid of this reality than they were.x,” he explains.The more we validate our children’s perceptions, the more we connect through curiosity, the more comfortable our children become with themselves. This is the essence of trust..”
A simple sentence to reassure children
For Becky Kennedy, there is only one piece of advice – very simple – that can help you (re)give your child confidence. When he worries about his abilities compared to those of others, simply respond with this sentence:
“You notice that many students in your class know how to read and you are still working on this skill. I understand why it must be complicated for you. I am glad you told me about it,” he says.
Before continuing: “Our children don’t expect us to shield them from hard-to-digest truths. Our children need to feel less alone when faced with this truth. When we show up alongside them to face something that scares them, we show them that we are not afraid of the experience. And that allows them to be themselves resilient in the face of this fear.”
Understanding the competitive dynamics in the school environment thus makes it possible to provide appropriate support to your child, while helping them to navigate these situations in a constructive manner.
How to identify rivalries at school?
Rivalry can manifest itself in different ways:
- In terms of academic performance (grades, exams, etc.),
- In terms of sports activities;
- At the level of social relations.
Importantly, when children are constantly compared – whether by their teachers, peers or sometimes even their own parents – this analysis can affect their emotional and mental well-being.
To help your toddler cope, communicating with teachers and other members of the educational team – in order to find solutions – can be a good option.
Slideshow: 10 tips to give your child confidence