A simple and balanced life is an existence where individuals manage to harmonize different aspects of their life while avoiding excess and focusing on the essentials.
The concept of a simple life is different for each person and depends on their personality, age, personal and professional situation but also their environment. “Not everyone has the same needs or aspirations, and simplifying your life to find balance can take many forms.” explains Florence Bernard, psychotherapist and editor at Quantum Way editions. “The idea is to find a way of living that suits us. That allows us to navigate life safely.”
Sorting
Having a simple and balanced life involves creating more space around you and especially within yourself. I sort out what is really important to me, nourishes me, recharges me or has meaning for me and I minimize or even eliminate the rest. “It can help to make a list or open a notebook, make 2 columns and list each day everything you have done and place in one or the other column, suggests the therapist. Then take stock and see how I can reduce the column of things that don’t meet the above criteria.”
When I leave someone, do I feel more tired than before I saw them?
I can do the same in my relationships: who are the people who give me joy, energy, with whom I feel confident, with whom I can be myself, who love me for who I am and not for what I do or represent. “People who make me feel important, who marvel at my accomplishments even the most insignificant, who make me feel safe and who love me unconditionally? Those are the people I want to keep in my life.” Conversely, who are the people with whom I feel that my energy is escaping from my body, or with whom I have to make efforts to correspond to what they expect of me? When I leave a person, do I feel more tired than before seeing them? I can decide to see these people less, or even stop seeing them.
Knowing how to listen to yourself
“Simplifying your life can also mean getting away from injunctions like “I must”, “I should”, “I have to”, “I should”, which put us in a state of pressure and stress, and are sources of frustration with this permanent feeling of never doing enough.” It is therefore important to listen to one’s real needs: what is good for me and not what I think others want from me or for me. In the same way, I ask myself when I do something: am I doing it to please someone else or am I doing it because I want to do it and when I do it, I feel joy, a sense of inner peace or security.
Knowing how to listen to yourself goes hand in hand with learning to say no because, above all, saying “no” to something or someone is saying “yes” to yourself. In IFS (a psychotherapy model created by Richard Schwartz), we talk about “saving” parts. “Those parts of us that want to take care of others at all costs, save them from themselves and from others, do everything to make them feel good. Very often these saving parts mask other parts of us that have themselves suffered in childhood, very often from a lack of attention or a lack of love.” The danger with these parts is that they push us to say yes to everything for fear of being rejected, abandoned, not loved. “Learning to say no means learning to recognize the unconditional love of the people around me. I can then say no, without fear of losing the relationship and without fear of being judged.”
To slow down
“I slow down and to slow down, I can for example start by listening to my breathing and slowing down my rhythm (doing cardiac coherence for example 3 times a day helps to slow down) or I try to take a long conscious breath before doing each thing.” Slowing down allows you to see more clearly and helps you make the right choices in life.
Balancing the spheres of your life
Finding a balance between the different aspects of life makes life easier: work, relationships, health, personal development, etc. “A balanced life involves not letting any one part or area dominate and lead our lives to the detriment of other parts or areas.” We know we have reached balance when we feel a certain inner peace. “It’s a feeling, not an equation” concludes Florence Bernard.