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In a relationship for a while, you tend to notice more and more the flaws of your partner, rather than his qualities. Beware of these toxic thoughts that put your relationship in danger! Find out how not to fall into this trap, thanks to the advice of a psychologist
You have been in a relationship for many years and if you love your partner, you also often notice his or her flaws. These toxic thoughts undermine you and jeopardize your relationship, because after the thoughts, obviously come the reproaches.
Toxic thoughts that destroy the couple
Jeffrey Bernstein, psychologist interviewed by Psychology Todayreminds us of their danger.”Toxic thoughts negatively impact relationships. These thoughts influence our emotions, behaviors, and actions, and if we consistently let these toxic thoughts go unchecked, they can lead to problematic behaviors that can harm our relationships.”. How to get out of these patterns? Here are the solutions.
Constantly pointing out your partner’s flaws
Over the years, you’ve forgotten what made you fall in love with your partner. Now you only see their flaws.”You unfairly and negatively label your partner and lose sight of his or her positive qualities.” explains the psychologist. A vicious circle that maintains negativity, which must be broken.
Blame him for everything that happens to you
“You unfairly and irrationally blame your partner for relationship problems, or even more serious problems” adds the expert. Even if you feel that your partner has some responsibility, it is not entirely his fault. On the contrary, think about taking your responsibilities too.
Imagine the worst
“In this case, you come to negative conclusions about your partner that are not based on reality. For example, he is so preoccupied lately; he must be having an affair.” takes the expert as an example. All this does is maintain unpleasant thoughts about him, linked to a potential infidelity, which in reality has no basis.
You expect it to be perfect
Perfection is something that is impossible to achieve. But still, you ask it from your partner, consciously or not.You see your partner as either always doing the wrong thing or never doing the right thing.” Jeffrey Bernstein points out. A useless torture of the mind, then.
You demand that he do what you want
Often, in a relationship, we expect the other to meet our needs. Needs that can become demands over time. “A partner assumes that the other will meet one or more of his or her needs, simply because he or she apparently should know that need.” explains the psychologist.
What you need to keep in mind is that you need to learn to communicate what you expect from your significant other, because he or she cannot know in advance what you expect from him or her if you don’t tell him or her. Plain and simple.
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