Forcing a child to lend their toys is a mistake, explains Sandra Seignan, a psychologist specializing in neuropsychology.
First of all, Sandra Seignan, a psychologist specializing in neuropsychology, believes that we should not “force” a child to do something. It would not occur to us to force an adult to lend us the keys to their new car or to kiss their work colleague, so why try to impose something on a child? However, can we invite a child to share their toys? Yes, but not just anyhow.
“A child learns by observing and imitating. From a very young age, the brain is conditioned to respond to all social stimuli. The best vector for learning for a child is therefore the people around him, namely his family, his parents, his brothers and sisters. If the very young child is surrounded by adults who have this sharing behavior in pragmatic everyday situations, he will learn this behavior spontaneously,” argues Sandra Seignan.
Between the ages of 2 and 3, children do not yet have the ability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes; this skill is only acquired around the age of 4. Before that, they have difficulty understanding the emotions that their actions will generate in others. From their perspective, they need their toys to accomplish the mission they have set for themselves. For example, if you force a child to lend his shovel, he will not be able to build his sandcastle.
When he is older, for example if friends come to play at home, the question of whether or not to lend his toys will arise. To avoid conflicts, the neuropsychologist recommends asking the child to make a selection of toys that he is willing to share and to put out of reach all the toys that he does not want other children to touch.
“There is also the question of the child’s consent. If we teach him that, from a very young age, without his consent, he can be forced to lend his toys or give grandma and grandpa a kiss, he will be led to reproduce this behavior when he grows up.”warns the specialist. That is to say, he himself will take objects from others without their consent. And to conclude: “Children who are forced to do things they don’t want to do find themselves in a certain vulnerability because authority has told them that it is normal to impose these things on them.”