‘It’s hard to parent through trauma’

Nearly half the beds at a Simcoe women’s shelter are currently filled by children after a summertime influx of families fleeing domestic violence.

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Mothers will often “hang on” until the final school bell before leaving their abuser, explained Haley Hutchinson, community education co-ordinator with Haldimand and Norfolk Women’s Services.

“A lot of parents are hesitant to make big life changes while kids are in school, because they don’t want to disrupt that for them,” Hutchinson told The Spectator, noting women often have to move to find housing they can afford on their own, which means new schools for their kids.

The nine children calling the shelter home this summer range from a six-month-old baby to a 16-year-old boy.

“From a staff point of view, it’s kind of nice to have little kids around to hang out with and make things exciting for the summer,” Hutchinson said.

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“But it’s a really big change. You have some families that are planning big vacations and awesome beach days and all these fun things, and then you have some families who are just planning on, ‘OK, how do we survive the summer?’”

The 19-bed shelter is “almost always full” and the wait list is long, Hutchinson said.

Haldimand and Norfolk councils voted last fall to declare gender-based violence an epidemic.

Women typically spend six to eight weeks at the shelter, where staff help them connect with social assistance, apply for jobs and housing, and prepare for custody hearings.

While parents find their jogging, staff try to make the shelter feel like “a fun hotel” for the youngest residents, Hutchinson said.

Getting used to new schedules and house rules can be “a lot to process,” but Hutchinson said feedback from the kids is generally positive.

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“They’re just happy to have a place where they can relax a little bit and it’s not so tense,” she said.

“They recognize that things might be tough right now, but mom’s trying to make some positive changes for them.”

Donations needed

Women’s Services needs donations to help the children in their care.

“We try to make it a fun experience for the kids and keep them engaged to help lessen that burden for mom, and give mom some space to work on things,” Hutchinson said.

“Because it’s really hard to parent when you’re going through trauma.”

The shelter is especially low on hygiene products like children’s toothpaste, lotion and baby wash, along with diapers, tampons, and unisex clothing of all sizes and styles for babies, kids and teens.

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Clothes should be new or “very gently used, in good condition,” Hutchinson said.

“Think about what you would be happy to receive,” she said. “A pair of brand-new fuzzy socks, or slippers, is huge to some people.”

The shelter has a tight monthly food budget and focuses on healthy eating. Donations of grocery gift cards and kid-friendly snacks and comfort food like instant noodles and frozen corn dogs would be welcome by moms who need easy meals to prepare. Food must be unopened and not expired.

Staff are also looking for “stuff to keep the kids busy all summer,” Hutchinson said, welcoming everything from basketballs, bubbles and sidewalk chalk to games, craft supplies and coloring books.

“We do purchase as much as we can, but when you have nine kids in the house, they go through a lot of the stock in a couple days,” she said.

School supplies and fall clothes will also soon be needed.

Monetary donations can be made online at hnws.on.ca, where supporters can purchase items off an Amazon wish list for delivery to the shelter.

JP Antonacci is a Local Journalism Initiative Reporter based at the Hamilton Spectator. The initiative is funded by the Government of Canada.

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