Lovisa grew up in Dalarna in the 90s. Her mother was not able to take care of her and her father she did not know much about.
– He lived here before I was born. Then he was not allowed to stay here, so he went back to Kosovo, where he is from. And then he was in Germany during the war.
But even though they were in different countries, the father knew that Lovisa existed. They met when Lovisa was a little baby, but then they lost contact. And it would be a long time before they saw each other again. Lovisa grew up without knowing much about her father. She lived in different foster families and remembers feeling alone.
– I had moved around a lot in a very short time. It is a time in life where it is very important that you feel stable and secure. So I felt that I was alone and that no one wanted me.
Dreamed of seeing her father again
But the dream of one day seeing his father again was always there.
– I used to sit and watch TV. There they rolled names from the war, and then I used to sit and check if I could see his name there. If he had died. I know that when I was eight I looked in the phone book and looked for Tahiri which is his last name. I called someone random and just, hi, my name is Lovisa. I’m looking for my father.
Although the longing was there, Lovisa remembers that she also carried an insecurity and a fear of the unknown. When she is twelve, she hears from Social Services that her father wants to have contact with her again, but then Lovisa says no.
– But then I was so scared. When you’re twelve, that’s a bit of a sensitive age.
“Suddenly I had so many relatives”
But when she turns 18, she herself chooses to request all her medical records from Social Services. After reading them, she decides she needs to find out where she came from. She looks up her father on MSN and they start chatting and after a while Lovisa decides to travel and visit her father. There she finds out that she has three half-brothers.
– It was so crazy. I’ve felt so damn alone, and then suddenly I had so much family. Everyone has been so very nice and welcoming.
And Lovisa’s father has also come to visit her in Sweden.
– I am so happy about it. It has been a dream all my life. Some may dream of houses, I have dreamed of my father coming here.
Today, Lovisa creates music under the stage name Tahiri, which she shares with her father.
– I don’t think I would be alive today if I hadn’t had the music, she concludes.