Published on
Updated
Reading 2 min.
Your relationship ticks all the boxes that indicate a toxic relationship, yet you can’t seem to separate from your partner? Often, ready-made excuses are used as a “valid reason” to continue in this relationship. What are they and why are they wrong? Life coach Lisa L. Payne tells us more.
People in toxic relationships are worn down by what they experience: constant nagging, endless arguments, moments of silence when their partner sulks, then a return to “normal” with a spouse who comes back in their best light, but only for a short while.
This vicious spiral makes it difficult to separate and victims take time to recognize their situation. Worse, they sometimes find excuses for their tormentor, as so many “valid reasons” not to separate. Here are three, detailed by the American life coach Lisa L. Payne, in an article published on YourTango.
“My partner isn’t that bad deep down, he’s just going through a period of intense stress.”
Making excuses for an abusive partner is the worst idea ever. But often, victims justify their partner’s behavior by the stress they may be experiencing at work, for example.Does that give them the right to treat you the way they do?” exclaims the life coach. “This excuse is not acceptable, in times of stress we must be there for each other and support each other.”
“I would have nowhere to go if I left him”
In toxic relationships, it is not uncommon for the victim to be completely dependent on their partner, especially financially. This dependency makes victims feel trapped, unable to separate themselves from their tormentor.You may be in a situation of dependency, but there are solutions” says Lisa L. Payne. “You have friends and family to turn to. And there are also associations that help victims.”The life coach acknowledges that this life passage will be difficult, but that it allows you to “start your life over with your head held high”.
Feel good in your body, feel good in your head!
“If I separate, I will be alone for the rest of my life”
No one wants to be alone for the rest of their life, but that’s what a toxic relationship does, in a way. You feel alone when faced with an abusive partner. “Why continue the relationship, then?” asks the expert.You should focus on starting a new life and feeling good about your choices, rather than looking a partner to “complete” you. And if you want someone else to love you the way you deserve, you’ll first have to start taking better care of yourself.” she recommends.Leaving a relationship is not an easy thing, but doing so will be liberating and will allow you to start a new life full of possibilities.” she concludes.
Slide: 10 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship