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Updated
Reading 3 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
When it comes to flirting and approaching someone, some (rare) phrases can hit the mark while others, many, cause either disgust or flight. Which phrases should be avoided and which ones can break the ice? Our psychologist gives us his opinion (useful in summer).
They are called “floppy disks” in popular language. They are these ready-made phrases, a little corny or downright heavy, come out with the aim of getting a smile out of you, or even a phone number. But since flirting is a subtle art, it is clear that most of these “floppy disks” fall flat (and dig a little deeper).
The worst pick-up lines according to pros (or their victims)
Several media outlets have already tried to collect the worst pick-up lines they’ve heard, which don’t work, let’s be honest.
Among them, the following often come up:
- “I was always told to follow my dreams so tonight I’m following you” (network special);
- “Hey miss, is your name Google? Because I find everything I’m looking for in you”;
- “Do you believe in love at first sight or should I come back a second time?” (bordering on harassment);
- “Is your father an artist? Because you are a work of art” (a classic);
- “Quick! Someone call the police, because it’s illegal to be that beautiful!” (no comment needed..) ;
- “You’re not like other girls”…
The list is of course not exhaustive. It also includes several versions starting with “Hey miss” or “Your father”, which are never a good idea.
Why do these sentences fail miserably?
We asked our psychologist, Amélie Boukhobza, this question. She sees four main reasons for these failed attempts.
Heaviness and excess familiarity. A sentence that is too direct or sexualized can make the other person feel uncomfortable. It lacks subtlety and can give the impression that you are looking for immediate gratification without being interested in the other person. Example: “Your father is a thief, he stole all the stars from the sky to put them in your eyes.”
Lack of authenticity: These clichéd phrases or those borrowed from pick-up lines (or from your older brother) clearly lack sincerity. Example: “Do you believe in love at first sight or should I come back?”
Condescension and objectification : a condescending or “objectifying” sentence reduces the other to a simple object of desire. It is downright disrespectful, even an offense that a woman will not take well. Example: “T“You’re so beautiful I forgot my pick-up line.”
Clumsiness and inappropriate humor: Humor is delicate, so be careful gentlemen. A bad or misplaced joke can ruin a first impression. Example: “If you were an apple, you would be a candy apple.“
So what makes a catchphrase effective?
Perhaps it is also worth remembering: despite anti-harassment laws, approaching a young woman in a public place is not forbidden. Nor is breaking the ice by trying humor. On the other hand, to have a chance of working, your attitude must respect certain rules:
- Be simple and authentic. “When you’re not trying to impress with artifice, it generates a sense of confidence.”
- Use respectful and light humor: “A good sense of humor can lighten the mood and make the meeting enjoyable. No mockery or sarcasm though!“
- Show genuine interest: Asking sincere questions and listening to the answers helps create a real connection.Being curious about others is a good starting point.”
- And above all, approach others with respect and consideration: “It’s crucial. It means respecting each other’s boundaries and accepting a negative answer with grace. In short, when it’s no, it’s no.”
“Basically, the secret is to show your best side while still being yourself, and to value the other person in a sincere and caring way,” concludes our expert. Burying the phrase about stars in the eyes very deeply is also a good start.
Slideshow: Flirting: 10 mistakes to avoid!