Setting up secret codes with your children gives them the opportunity to alert you of an abnormal situation, while remaining discreet. Here are some examples to use for departures to summer camps or to visit grandparents.
During the summer holidays, our children are not used to going far away from us, or for so long. When they go to grandma and grandpa’s or to summer camp for the first time, parents are also worried. And unless they come across as stalkers who call every five minutes to check that everything is going well, it is important to put things into perspective and reassure yourself, because children generally have a blast and are safe with the adults who supervise them. That doesn’t stop us all asking ourselves the same question: how do I know if my child doesn’t have a problem?
While the Ministry of National Education has just launched, on July 15, an awareness campaign entitled “Talking can change everything” to fight against sexist and sexual violence in collective reception of minors (ACM), there are other solutions to put in place with your child, such as establishing secret codes which could prove very useful if necessary. “Have a code word that you can incorporate into everyday life” recommends Dannah Eve, a criminology expert and psychologist who has used this technique with her own parents throughout her life.
Several events may require the use of a secret code. For example, if your child calls you to tell you about his vacation day and he feels that he is being listened to, that he cannot confide in you freely… This secret code will allow him to alert you of an abnormal situation, discreetly and without arousing suspicion. You will then understand instantly that something is wrong.
But then, what types of coded messages should you use with your child? If your child is going to sleep at a friend’s house or to summer camp and is not alone to talk to you quietly, tell him in advance to ask you a question by mentioning someone or something that does not exist or that you do not have. For example “How is the cat?”, “I’m going to bring back a present for my little brother Nathan” or “Did you remember to feed the goldfish?“.
Agree together on the sentence that should alert you, just saying it will let you know that a problem has occurred and that he can’t talk about it right now. It could also be a special emoji that you could use in a text message, or your teen could ask you if he received a package or a very important letter. The idea here is to use sentences that may seem harmless, and that can slip into any situation.