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As children grow up, they go through a phase where lying predominates. If this can annoy you, rest assured, this stage of development is perfectly normal. On the other hand, it is important to react well and not say certain things to your child. Here are some.
“No, I didn’t draw on the wall!” your child exclaims, as he hides behind his back the marker he used to redecorate his room. Lying is common among children and is normal behavior.
However, we can quickly become annoyed by our children’s outrageousness and utter certain phrases that are best avoided, according to Carol Kim, a psychotherapist. She shares them on her Instagram account @parenting.resilience.
“You’re a liar !”
By accusing the child in this way, we hurt his ego and it harms his self-esteem. It is therefore best to avoid this; it is better to talk to him to understand his attitude.
“I can’t trust you anymore!”
By saying these words, we risk seriously undermining the trust that our child has in us. This can cause him to withdraw and not confide in us what is bothering him in the future.
“You really disappointed me.”
Parents are role models for their children and are keen to make them proud. Expressing disappointment so directly may make the child feel guilty about his actions.
“You are a naughty boy/girl!”
This sentence directly criticizes the child and will inevitably be hurtful to him. In addition, it does not explain to him at all why what he is doing is wrong.
“I don’t care why you lied.”
By saying these words, you are showing your child that whatever he may say to explain his lie will not help. On the contrary, he must be allowed to explain himself, in order to ensure that the situation does not happen again.
“I will never believe you again!”
This sentence is very meaningful for a child, who will understand that even if he chooses to tell the truth next time, he will not be believed. So be careful not to damage the trust between you, because this can have significant repercussions in the future.
Now that you know what not to say, you’re probably wondering what are the right words to use in this situation. The expert recommends other phrases, with much more positive connotations, to express your displeasure to your child when he lies.
For example, you can tell him that “You know how hard it can be to tell the truth and you’re here to help him“, that “telling the truth is something courageous and you trust him to do it” or “that you can make mistakes, it’s ok and that you will love it anyway”emphasizing the importance “to be honest with each other, no matter what.”