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Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
Recently, your friend announced to you that everything was over with his or her partner? Faced with such news, it is not always easy to know what to say. Advice from Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist, to find the right words.
Faced with the tears and pain of your newly single friend, you didn’t know what to say. Aware of their pain, you didn’t want to make their pain worse and, with great clumsiness, looked for the famous “good words”. But what are they, exactly? Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist, enlightens us.
Be present and practice active listening
“One lost, ten found“, “life does things well“, “The best is yet to come“… Faced with someone who has just left their partner or been left, we have all, at one time or another, uttered these incredibly banal sentences.
And it is rare that the other person hears these words that promise him a better future – he who is, at this very moment, at the bottom of the abyss. What then can we say that is intelligible, sensible and empathetic to comfort the other person? According to Amélie Boukhobza, we must first be present and practice active listening.
“To break upwhether you are leaving or being left, it is never easy. The best thing you can offer someone who is going through this is our presence and our caring listening.” she recalls.
The right attitude to follow
There are several ways to help you find the right words:
- Remember that it’s okay to feel a range of emotionsfrom sadness to guilt to anger. It is completely legitimate to be upset. Example: “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s normal to feel bad after a breakup.” ;
- Suggest to talk freely about feelingswithout judgment. Example: “How are you feeling right now? If you want to talk about it, I’m here.” ;
- Encourage not to let go. Take care of yourself, go out, keep doing things. Life goes on. Example: “Taking care of yourself is important right now. Have you thought about doing something you really enjoy?” ;
- Suggest activities to take your mind off thingssuch as going out, doing sports or getting some fresh air. Example: “Want to go out for a coffee or a walk?” ;
- Reassure about the future and say that the pain will eventually fade away. After the rain always comes the good weather. Example: “I know it seems hard now, but with time things will get better. Trust me.” ;
- Avoid giving advice unless it is explicitly requested. This is not the time for unsolicited “good” advice. Example: “I’m here to listen to you, not tell you what to do. Take your time and get through this at your own pace”;
- Remember to let time do its work and be patient in grieving the loss of the relationship. Example: “Take all the time you need. There is no right or wrong way to get over a breakup” ;
The psychologist’s last piece of advice?
“Never judge. Because everyone does what they can! Everyone has their own way of managing and recovering from a breakupto overcome the pain and repair oneself” she concludes.
Slideshow: Breakup: 8 signs that show the couple is over