Published on
Updated
Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Does your colleague constantly blame others for his misfortunes and try, at all costs, to get your attention? Be careful, this could be a person addicted to victimization. Here are the signs to recognize and the strategies to adopt to deal with them.
People who victimize themselves often manipulate those around them by eliciting pity or distorting reality to gain attention. Result ? Any interaction based on respect and fairness is impossible.
Recognizing a person who is victimizing themselves: instructions for use
To guard against this toxic pattern that hinders the establishment of authentic relationships, spotting the first signs of victimization is necessary.
Here’s how to recognize them:
- First key sign: “The tendency to blame others, because a person who victimizes themselves tends to blame others for their problems. It’s easier to complain about how others treat us, and make excuses for not taking responsibility.“, underlines Amélie Boukhobza.
- Afterwards, “anyone who victimizes themselves constantly seeking attention and the sympathy of others, by emphasizing one’s misfortunes and exaggerating one’s sufferings to arouse pity.”continues the expert.
- Another sign to detect: “That person perceives oneself as powerless in the face of events, which fuels his speech. She always believes that external circumstances are against her“, underlines the specialist.
- Finally, “This one prefers position yourself as a victim rather than making decisions that could improve their situation. Fear of failure? Fear of change? Probably“, explains the psychologist.
- To finish, “a person who is victimized can show passive hostilityadopting sulking attitudes or being sarcastic and cynical, while avoiding direct confrontations”notes Amélie Boukhobza.
Good in his body, good in his head!
To help others (and help yourself) when faced with a person who has maintained their victim role for many years, several strategies prove effective.
“We can obviously listen to the person, but above all not reinforce their discourse of victimization. Showing too much sympathy could reinforce her in her role as victim. We can also encourage the person to become aware of their share of responsibility in the situations they describe. By asking questions that push her to think about her actions and their consequences, why not! But it will be about setting clear limits and not letting yourself be overwhelmed!“, warns Amélie Boukhobza.
What if it’s too complicated?
“We then encourage the person to consult a professional for therapeutic follow-up who can help them work on their perception of themselves and others.“, recommends the expert, in conclusion.