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in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Do you sometimes think about your ex in spite of yourself, and this makes you doubt the strength of your relationship? Is it a sign of boredom with your current partner, regret or a simple reminiscence? Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, discusses the different possibilities for us.
What’s happening ? While your relationship seems to be “rolling along”, you think about your ex from time to time. A particular stay, his way of being in public, even the tensions that affected you… Why do these thoughts assail you? Is this a warning sign that you are not happy? Before jumping to conclusions, read our psychologist’s answers. Because no, thinking about your ex does not (always) sound the death knell for your current relationship.
It’s normal to think about people who were important
So, there is no need to panic or think about the slightest thought about this (or these) ex and this is not necessarily a bad sign.
“We have the right to think about people who have marked our lives, especially if they were important. And we cannot always control it. Memories can sometimes simply be triggered by situations, places or events. objects that recall shared moments, without evoking nostalgia or ‘it was better before'”.
But thinking about your ex can also reflect a way of reflecting on your own journey, identifying lessons learned and observing your own evolution. “It can even strengthen their current relationship by helping us better understand what we want and need.” So not everything has to be thrown away!
An unconscious way of validating one’s present
Sometimes, thinking about your ex is also a tendency to consciously or unconsciously compare your past with your present. “Although it is not always the best thing to do, this comparison can sometimes be unavoidable. reveals our expert. “It can ultimately lead to even more validation of one’s current choice and reinforce one’s feeling of satisfaction. Because, let’s be clear, if you’re no longer with this ex, it’s probably for a good reason. And this man or woman now in your life is not there by chance either.
“So thinking about your ex doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of happiness in your current relationship,” concludes our psychologist. “What’s important is recognizing that these thoughts are normal and not letting them interfere with the quality and happiness of your current relationship.”
A difference when regret and/or desire comes into play
If scattered thoughts that sometimes remind you of your ex are normal in all couples, there is still one case that raises questions:
“It is when these thoughts are recurring, intrusive and accompanied by feelings of regret, sadness or longing. In this case, in fact, it can be useful to explore these emotions in more depth. Because then it can reveal aspects of one’s current relationship that require attention and communication.
Having a thought for your ex is therefore not a tragedy for your relationship. Just thinking about it, however, can have meaning. It’s up to you to sort things out.
Slide: How to cut ties with your ex?