Updated 09.31 | Published 09.24
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Amanda was raped for the first time when she was 14 years old. Three years later, she started sugar dating, which soon led to new abuse:
– It is very common for the sex to derail and turn into rape. That you say “no deepthroat”, but that they still deepthroat. For me, it has not been seen as rape, just as part of my job, says Amanda.
Amanda became a member of a sugardating website as a 17-year-old.
– I did not understand that it was about prostitution. I thought “you get to date someone and get paid for it, you can surely get away without sleeping with them”.
That’s not how it turned out:
– I had been raped several times in my private life. But the whole point here was to meet nice men. Instead, it was just creep after creep after creep, says Amanda.
“Enjoyed humiliation”
Today, when Amanda has grown a few years older, she realizes after going to therapy that she was groomed and sexualized:
– You get pulled more and more into the whole mess. In the end it’s like this “but okay, why don’t I just suck him off?” That’s how I get the money. “Why shouldn’t I just sleep with him?” Then I get more.
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full screenNow Amanda has stopped selling sex and lives in the country. Photo: Magnus Wennman
It only took eight months for her to go from being absolutely against sleeping with anyone, to selling herself for sex.
– I went to Ukraine with a sugar daddy before the war. I said I was his secretary. During the day we hung out with his family and businessmen. And at night he fucked me in the hotel room.
Another elderly man lived in Linköping:
– He really liked humiliation. While I was sucking him, he was watching a video of a man being raped in prison.
Have not forgotten
Nowadays, she has stopped selling sex and lives in the countryside:
– Today I am fine. I live mostly with my dog. Going to therapy, studying and focusing on myself for once.
But she hasn’t forgotten the men who buy sex:
– A lot of people asked if they could pee on me, it’s the kind of fantasy you can’t do with your wife. You can do that with someone you pay for, right? Because it’s still just a whore.
She appeals to the sex buyers:
– Stop. You know you are doing wrong. Please think of someone else too, not just yourself. Think about your victim, your family, your surroundings. Think about the damage you do to others. There is help to be had.
Footnote: Amanda is actually called something else.