Managing a child’s emotions is not always easy for parents. Think you’ve tried everything? Two psychologists have developed a technique to successfully help and calm your child.
A child who throws tantrums is quite common, especially during the “terrible Two” period when children are not yet able to manage their frustrations well. In general, there is always something that triggers a fit of anger, tears, shouting or sudden gestures. And rather than expressing what is wrong with words, the child, because of his young age, communicates his emotions in his own way. At times like these, many parents feel completely helpless. They try by all means to calm their child: by speaking to him calmly, by hugging him to console him… Others tend to scold him or punish him when the situation drags on or the child goes too far. Sometimes it works, the crisis is defused, then other times nothing helps.
For this type of situation, two child psychologists, Tammy Schamuhn and Tania Johnson, have developed a specific method, which can be used regardless of the child’s age, and which they have called: “HELP”, which means “help” in English. This technique is divided into 4 steps. The first is to take a moment to observe your child. Concretely, when the crisis begins, the parent must be able to decode their toddler’s behavior. Why does he act like this? What makes him angry? For example, he may be hungry, tired, overstimulated or stressed about something.
The second step is dedicated to empathy. For this, it is important to give the child the opportunity to express what he feels. When he confides in you, try to listen to what he says with attention, kindness and to validate his feelings (“I understand, you’re angry because…”, “You feel that way because…”). Above all, don’t judge him.
The third step concerns the limits to set as a parent. They must be simple enough to comply with them. This may include validating your child’s emotion, letting them know that their behavior is not acceptable and offering them alternative solutions to help them calm down. The last, and not least, is central: proximity. To help calm a child in crisis, it is essential to be close to them. When his frustration turns to sadness, that’s when he’s most vulnerable and most likely to accept you to hold him. This does not mean that you tolerate everything, but it is in this authentic moment that calm can gradually return.