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Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Did you know ? A clumsy sentence, if repeated regularly, can lead to the couple’s downfall. Explanations.
Did you think this sentence was harmless? Error. As a couple, an inappropriate word or a misinterpreted sentence can quickly create tension. However, if most pass without creating damage, others, more violent, deeply damage your relationship. How can we communicate better in this case? And above all, which sentence should no longer be said? Let’s do a check in.
Position yourself as a victim to stop the conflict
According to Jennifer Gerlach, psychologist, one sentence in particular should be avoided to prevent your discussions from turning sour:
This sentence is generally: “Don’t hurt me“. But it comes in different ways too, we also frequently hear: “Don’t hurt me“, “You are hurting me” Or “You upset me deeply“…., explains the expert.
In fact, these sentences are guilt-inducing and place the sender of these terms as a victim.
“They are often spoken in a moment of vulnerability. They may seem harmless but they are nevertheless problematic because they carry with them a presumption of negative intention on the part of the other, which can put the targeted person on the defensive.“, reveals for her part, our expert psychologist Amélie Boukhobza.
However, if this type of behavior allows the argument to be stopped dead in its tracks, it does not allow dialogue to be opened and the underlying problems to be resolved.
Behavior that can lead to separation
By systematically making the other responsible, this victimization behavior can lead to the couple’s downfall. Indeed, when one partner constantly adopts this posture, the other can quickly become emotionally exhausted.
This unbalanced dynamic can then create a feeling of weariness and frustration.
“People use guilt to avoid talking directly about a problem. This allows them to get what they want without having to engage in direct conflict” assures Jennifer Gerlach.
To escape this vicious circle, Amélie Boukhobza offers solutions, replacing these formulations with expressions that communicate feelings without attributing blame.
“PFor example, saying “I feel hurt when that happens” or “I feel hurt when we talk like that” can open up a healthier space for dialogue. That is, being able to share personal emotions without insinuating that the other person is trying to do harm, which is always better. It’s less accusatory and therefore less guilt-inducing!“, she concludes.
Slide: 8 behaviors that make an argument worse