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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Do you have conflicting relationships with your parents and the situation is weighing you down? It is possible to reduce tension and get along better with them, by following these tips, provided by psychologist Amélie Boukhobza.
Accomplice relationship or strained relationship, the ties that unite us to our parents are never neutral. If, as an adult, you don’t get along with them, you shouldn’t rush to cut ties and stop talking to them. It is still possible to ease tensions by following these few tips, given by our expert, psychologist Amélie Boukhobza.
Choose neutral ground to meet
By choosing to meet your parents outside of their home, it may be easier to talk, away from the childhood bedroom where you used to argue. “A meeting on neutral ground can make it easier to discuss and listen to each other.” recommends our expert.
Believe it can work
Don’t assume that getting along with your parents is impossible. “It is essential that both parties believe that the relationship can evolve, even if it takes time. Without which nothing is possible.” adds the psychologist.
Recognize your wrongs
As you become an adult, it is essential to also mature in terms of behavior and recognize when you make mistakes. “In this type of meeting, when old disputes are brought up again, everyone must recognize their faults and the offended must be willing to accept the supplications of the offender.” adds Amélie Boukhobza.
Exchange from adult to adult
You are no longer the teenager you were a few years ago. “It’s now an adult-to-adult exchange. So parents need to see their adult child as an autonomous individual, and the child needs to reconsider expectations and boundaries from parents, given that they are also from another generation.” recommends the psychologist.
Establish new boundaries
“If there was conflict, it was because limits were crossed. So during the exchange, it is essential to establish the acceptable limits for each person, the acceptable limits for the moment, knowing that they may be called into question over time..
Communicate in a positive way
In these moments of meeting and to renew ties, we advocate open discussions on needs, expectations, and frustrations, with mutual respect. “We use “I” rather than “you” to help express feelings without accusing the other party” recommends the expert.
Good in his body, good in his head!
Meet a therapist for help
And if it’s really too difficult and dialogue is impossible alone, the psychologist believes that it is necessary “consider addressing these issues with the help of a mediator or therapist. A family therapy can provide a safe space to explore relationship difficulties under expert supervision” she concludes.