7 Signs You’re an Emotional Sponge

All it takes is for your office colleague to complain about her professional difficulties, for a friend to be depressed due to a difficult breakup, for your child to be sad because of a scolding at school or for your partner to be angry. against a noisy neighbor… so that you immediately experience these same feelings as your own? No doubt you are an “emotional sponge” in other words a person ifsensitive and empathetic that you absorb the negative emotions of those around you. “In general, these are people with undeniable qualities of heart, caring and attentive to others. They are also insightful, intuitive and easily capture the subtleties of their environment., describes Anne Landry, psychoanalyst specializing in hypersensitivity. But the other side of the coin: they are quickly impacted by the discomfort of others, to the point of feeling the same effects. “This identification can create real emotional confusion and generate deep discomfort“warns this specialist.

People feel and absorb the emotions of others

1. They often feel responsible for other people’s problems
2. They are very intuitive and have the power to sense what is happening without people telling them
3. They easily attract confidences others
4. They have difficulty watching the news without getting emotional
5. They care about the well-being of others, sometimes before their own
6. They are bothered by noise, crowds and strong odors
7. They naturally retain important information about the lives of others

“We don’t become hypersensitive, it’s innate”

In the long term, this emotional telepathy can cause deep emotional fatigue in these empathetic and dedicated people. They may feel exhausted and overwhelmed. The constant accumulation of negative emotions can lead to anxiety, depression or even burn-out.

There are methods to be “less absorbent”

“Being an emotional sponge is not an illness, it is not an illness to be cured. Hypersensitivity has existed since the dawn of time. We do not become hypersensitive, it’s innate. If the studies are only in the early stages, there would likely be a heredity in the field of hypersensitivity, something recorded in cellular memory and which would be passed down from generation to generation. explains Anne Landry. However “it is fundamental to learn to dissociate between your emotions and those of those around you to protect yourself.” For that :

► Practice an artistic activity. “Theatre, dance, circus arts but also drawing, writing… are activities which help to externalize stored emotions and to dissociate yourself from them” recommends Anne Landry.

You don’t need to do everything to make them smile

► Realize that these emotions do not belong to you. If someone around you feels anger, sadness, shame… start by remembering that this emotion is not yours, that it is your empathy and your sensitivity that made you absorb this pain. be. “If you have difficulty distinguishing your emotions from those of those around you, systematically ask yourself: ‘What emotional state was I in before I spoke to this friend on the phone / saw my mother / spoke with this neighbor?’ If the answer is “relaxed, in a good mood, serene” but in the meantime your emotional state has radically changed, it is because this emotion is not yours. Look no further, this phenomenon is due to your telepathy emotional” explains Anne Landry.

► You are not responsible for the emotions of others. If others feel sad or angry, it’s not your fault! So you don’t need to do everything to make them smile (listen to them for hours, organize a nice moment for them, etc.) at the risk of losing, in turn, your joy of living.

► Set limits. With others, but also with yourself! For example, if you have a loved one for whom nothing is ever going well, define in advance the time you want to devote to them (lunch, an hour of your afternoon, etc.) and don’t deviate from it.

► Stay away from negative people. Negative people have a 6th sense: they quickly identify empathetic and devoted people to whom they can easily turn to relieve their unhappiness. Also, as much as possible, keep them at a distance, and save your time for more positive people, with whom you will be more comfortable.

Thanks to Anne Landry, psychoanalyst specializing in hypersensitivity, and author of “Hyperempathy” and “Hypersensitive Women, this witch who ignores herself” Eds. Guy Trédaniel.