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Reading 3 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Parents, especially mothers, can become nostalgic as their children grow up. This is the case of a mother on TikTok, who posts a video where she cries, because her son has just turned 10 and will therefore no longer be “her baby”. Why, as parents, do we sometimes have difficulty seeing our children grow up? The answers of Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist.
It’s a video of a sad mother who would like to have other opinions, because she doesn’t have anyone to confide in. She calls on Internet users to find out if her feelings are normal. She explains that she is crying because her son has just turned ten and he will no longer be “her baby”.
A touching video, which aroused a wave of emotions
“I know it sounds silly, but my son turned 10, and it’s like my world is falling apart.” explains Jasmin. Being in the middle of a separation and not having any friends with children, she posts this video on TikTok, in tears, to explain her distress. “Nobody warned me. I had no idea I would be so sad. At 10 years old, we enter preadolescence, which means that adolescence is not very far away. Have other mothers had the same pain? ?” she asks.
Why do we sometimes have trouble accepting that our children are growing up?
Jasmin’s video sparked many reactions and parents confirmed that they had already felt the same way. Why do we, as parents, sometimes have difficulty accepting that our children are growing up? Doctissimo interviewed psychologist Amélie Boukhobza for some insight.
According to her, “we can in fact as parents – and probably even more so as a mother, due to the special bond generated by pregnancy and the first months of the child’s life – experience ambiguous or even complex feelings in front of our growing children.. For what ? “Because this means that as our children grow up, they become more and more independent over time.”.
For the expert, this means that our parental “omnipotence” diminishes as they develop. “We no longer have complete power over our children, and we must mourn this loss.”.
A parenting role that evolves
When our children grow up, we must therefore accept that they also become individuals in their own right, with their tastes, their personality and their choices. “On the other hand, our role as parents certainly evolves but continues throughout life, including adulthood. And maybe that’s what we’ll have to hold on to.” advises the psychologist.
Another explanation for this sadness may be nostalgia for the passing of time. “Seeing your child grow is also a tangible reminder of the passage of time and probably an awareness of our own aging. Which can also generate some anxiety“.
For the psychologist, the solution to overcoming this is to redefine her involvement in her children’s lives. “Perhaps by finding new areas of common interest and support?” suggests Amélie Boukhobza. She also emphasizes that it is important to see the positive side of things:
- This somewhat painful passage will not last, it is a transition, the time to make new marks with your child;
- This is an opportunity, especially for women, to get involved in activities for themselves. “When children get older, we have more time to play sports, practice different activities or see friends, for example.”. So now is the right time to do everything you’ve always dreamed of doing… Things you never really had time for!