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in collaboration with
Héloïse Junier (Early childhood psychologist and Doctor of psychology from the University of Paris)
What to do, and what to say especially when your child explodes, to reduce tension and bring him back to calm? Héloïse Junier, doctor in child psychology, explains the technique that works.
Parents, you have probably noticed that all children sometimes experience the strong emotion of anger. And sometimes with panache! If this may sometimes seem inadequate to you (for a refusal, because of a toy, etc.), it remains for the child a message that he himself has difficulty channeling. It is therefore your duty to gradually teach him to manage his frustration and this emotion which overwhelms him. Because a simple “stop with your anger” has never worked, Héloïse Junier, psychologist specializing in early childhood and author of Parent Survival Manualexplains the ideal attitude to us.
1. Let the crisis time pass
The advice may seem surprising, but it is backed by neuroscience. Faced with great anger, most parents try to reason with them. child in crisis, to tell him to shut up, or to scold him. “But at instant ‘T’ of peak anger, the child is not capable of it because he is in a modified state of consciousness. He can’t listen to you“In this case, the best attitude to have is to stay nearby and remain calm, waiting for the crisis to subside a little.”Afterwards, it’s ideal, at the moment we do everything we can” reassures the expert.
2. Suggest an interaction and put the emotion into words.
Once the anger loses a little intensity, it’s time to offer an interaction (a hug, arms, a moment apart) that the child will accept or not. But the important thing is to put words to what he feels: “you are very angry, I understand”, “you seem to be having a very bad time having lost at this game”, “I You feel in difficulty in this situation. Words that will make the link between the child’s desires and emotional skills.
3. Share your own emotions
Finally, what our expert often advises parents who consult her is not to be afraid to talk about your own emotions as parents. “I’m tired”, “I feel like shit”, “I’m scared” and share with your child what you are going to do to feel better. “Too often we have the impression that our adult emotions are more taboo. But in research, we observe that children whose parents know how to put words to their own emotions are those who regulate their emotions better and faster themselves.
Accepting anger and talking about it afterwards is a program to try the next time you get angry, right?
Slide: Anger: 10 things to do to calm down (before you break down…)