The victim of an erotomaniac person (man or woman) must spot these signs and set limits in order to quickly escape this love trap.
An erotomaniac person is affected by the delusional illusion of being loved by another person. Every word, look, compliment, like on social networks, outpouring of kindness from them is perceived as a signal of love. Issue : this love is unfounded, fictitious, imaginary and of course unrequited. In other words, she invents a world in which the other loves her. This personality disorder overwhelmingly affects women who are unaware of their behavior. “While it may seem flattering at first to be coveted, erotomaniac behavior can truly destroy the victim’s life, hence the importance of not fueling this fictitious love and of quickly get out of this trap“, immediately alerts Valérie Grumelin, psychoanalyst.
1. The erotomaniac tends to present himself as a victim
The erotomaniac has a tendency to victimize himself, to expose his personal problems widely and to seek pity from your interlocutor. She usually says sentences like “No one likes me”, “I never meet nice people”, “No one usually understands me”, “I haven’t had any luck in my life”. .. This may look like the affective dependance, with the difference that in erotomania, the two subjects are not in a romantic relationship. “The erotomaniac is a person who has never received love or at least who has received “bad love”. She didn’t receive enough esteem, attention or good messages about herself. There was therefore a considerable emotional lack. This deficiency will have an impact on his life. So, the day she meets someone who will give her a smile, a look, a kindness, a compliment, she will interpret it as a declaration of love.“, describes Valérie Grumelin. She will feel unique, exceptional and loved. In his system of thought, everything converges towards love. Public figures, doctors, psychologists, shopkeepers, social workers… All people who are important in terms of listening and who are empathetic are ideal targets for erotomaniacs.
2. The erotomaniac is excessively intrusive
From the moment she gets it into her head that the other person is in love, the erotomaniac person is locked into a system of values that she refuses to question. She puts no distance, always finds pretexts to see his “target”, manifests himself more and more, multiplies the messages, the interviews, becomes indiscreet or immodest. She can, for example, wait for the person outside her workplace, outside her home if she knows where they live, call them several times a day, return frequently to the store or medical office if “the target” is a trader or doctor. In short, she is “demanding”.
After 2-3 interactions that have no place, you have to be wary.
At first, the “targeted” person may feel flattered or confused and not notice that they are dealing with an erotomaniac person. She doesn’t know that her words or actions are being misinterpreted by the erotomaniac. “It’s normal because when you’re at the start of a social interaction, you don’t know the degree of esteem the other person has and how good or bad you feel about yourself. You can’t tell that the issue is also serious. Then, as the interactions progress, the target may feel uncomfortable and begin to feel a form of oppression or even harassment. This “unhealthy” game can also last for months or even years. In fact, we can say that the erotomaniac and his target are both victims of this fictitious love.
So, to avoid fueling this one-sided relationship, it we must quickly set limits so as not to make the disillusionment last too long. After 2-3 interactions that have no place, you have to be wary. We must not leave room for the slightest doubt, for the slightest ambiguity. You need to explain to her that you are nice to everyone, that she does not get any special preferential treatment.” You can say for example “I am with you as I am with others“, “I’m not flirting with you“, “I’m sorry you misunderstood my intentions“. Above all, you must avoid cutting off all contact without having first explained your position to him.
3. The erotomaniac can be aggressive
Once she realizes that the love is not reciprocated, the erotomaniac falls from a great height and can enter a state of rage, developing a feeling of failure and disillusionment. According to Valérie Grumelin, “some erotomaniacs are so angry that they would be ready to take revenge, the other becoming the object of deep hatred or the cause of all his misfortunes. Fortunately, in most cases, after a while, the erotomaniac falls from his cloud, but eventually becomes aware of his fallacious interpretation. To achieve this, she may need to consult a health professional (psychologist, etc.) who will help her regain her self-esteem. But sometimes, and particularly if it lasts too long, it can give in to depression, excessive resentment or aggressive behavior.“: extreme harassment, suicidal threats or even, very exceptionally, irreparable acts.