It’s difficult to juggle raising your children and the occasional abuse from grandpa and grandma. To help you, we have listed the five mistakes that grandparents all make, with, as a bonus, solutions to adopt!
Grandparents, we love you, but sometimes you drive us crazy! Avalanche of gifts, sneaky authorizations, excess of comparisons, unannounced visits… Many rules are circumvented, ruining all your efforts, and bad habits are rampant. But how do you get the message across to your own parents without offending them? What are these mistakes that put the nerves of young parents on edge?
- Spoiling your grandchildren to excess. We know that grandparents often have a heavy hand when it comes to presents (and candy!). Their own way of expressing the love they feel for their grandchildren. But turning your house into a toy store can quickly make you go crazy. Christmas is becoming very dull and whims are multiplying, so sound the alarm! As family relations specialist Christopher Hansen points out at HuffPost, there is a good way to avoid this situation. This would involve planning the purchase of a gift in advance. For example : “Grandma is taking you to the zoo. You can look in the gift shop at the end of the tour and pick out a little stuffed animal,” says Christopher Hansen. This way, everyone knows what to expect and this promotes trust.
- Ignoring parental rules. “At grandma’s, everything is allowed!”, This sentence can quickly become exasperating. If weekends at the grandparents’ house are meant to have a good time, that doesn’t mean the rules should completely disappear. “If parents feel like their ‘rules’ are being ignored, this can spill over into other aspects of the relationship, such as trust.”, revealed Kay Stilwell, marriage therapist to the American magazine. In this case, communication reigns supreme. It is important to discuss between parents and grandparents what may or may not be acceptable. “Ask them what they think about certain topics,” says Christopher Hansen. This will limit conflicts.
- Criticize the education of mom and dad. Times are changing, and so is education. What worked yesterday is not systematic today. Anything that starts with “In my time…” generally turns out to be bad omens. “Grandparents often have a different approach to parenting. This can create a gap in the relationship with grandchildren”, says Kay Stilwell. That’s why it’s okay to be inflexible on certain issues, like how you’ve chosen to raise your children. By explaining to the grandparents that this is the best way for you, the discussion is closed. And too bad for the quarrels!
- Compare with your own education. Another little habit common among most grandparents: comparing with the education you received. “When you were little, you didn’t do that.” The parallels can be heavy to bear and create unnecessary tension. It is important to dissociate each child and stop making any comparisons. Explain to grandparents that it is essential to focus on the uniqueness of each child for their personal development. He must be encouraged in his efforts without being measured by others.
- Worrying excessively. Grandparents worry, that’s normal. But sometimes their feeling of anxiety can become suffocating. They may tend to exaggerate dangers and be overprotective, preventing children from fully experiencing their adventures. Before entrusting your little ones to your parents, warn them that a fall is not dramatic, that they will learn to get up again. Make them understand that this helps them build themselves and develop their learning. If there’s anyone who should be worried, it’s you. Others, enjoy!