Virginie lived for 4 years with her partner, who did not accept her surprise pregnancy. Already the mother of two children born from a previous union, she will have to welcome her child alone. She testifies.
Virginie found herself raising her two children alone after a painful divorce. Her husband at the time left her for ten years, without giving any news. She finally finds love again with a man, also a dad, who will make her experience the same loneliness. Because as she approaches forty, the desire to be a mother again is felt, but her partner does not share this desire. Later, when she takes a pregnancy test which turns out to be positive, the announcement to the dad is a cold shower. “He sat on the couch and said to me, ‘You get rid of this“. Blaming her for having mismanaged her contraception, he asks her to have an abortion. An option that she refuses to consider. “For me, this baby was a sign. Abortion was out of the question” she explains to us.
“He left like every morning, kissed me, and never came back.”
Virginie can’t imagine going through this pregnancy alone. However, in September 2018, his partner left for good. “He left like every morning, kissed me, and never came back.“Despite a few text messages exchanged, she is going through her pregnancy monitoring alone,”confronted with couples, their happiness and the views of others. The dad continues to make her feel guilty. “He told me that I had ruined our relationship, that we were already a family and that we didn’t need this baby. But paradoxically, he still worried.” For several months, Virginie’s stomach was flat or almost flat. “My stomach wasn’t visible at all. It’s like I’m in some kind of denial of pregnancy” she remembers. In those around Virginie, reactions to the announcement of her pregnancy are mixed to say the least. Many do not understand her choice to have a child alone at 42. “I was called crazy, unconscious. I was told I was going to use my older children as a babysitter.“.
As the birth approaches, Virginie continues to hope that her partner will change his mind and ask him if he wants to be present for the birth of their daughter. Again, he refuses. She gave birth to her baby on April 15, 2019, her eldest daughter by her side. When he learned of his daughter’s birth, the father had no reaction. A few months later, she told him the date of the baptism and sent him a photo. “He told me she was very pretty, but that was it.“For Virginie, looking at her daughter’s birth certificate is an ordeal.”He didn’t recognize it and seeing this empty box is extremely painful.“She would now like him to recognize the child, but the steps are long. Only the court can order him to recognize his daughter. If the situation were to change, Virginie is on the other hand categorical, she refuses that he pay child support eating. “I don’t want my daughter to one day have to pay for him.”
Virginie is also faced with material difficulties. With only one salary, and despite aid from the CAF, she lives in an F3 with her three children, and has only been able to return to her work as a teacher part-time. This difficult situation and this loneliness weigh on her every day. “I was alone to face the difficulties of pregnancy, I am now alone to raise my daughter, to make all the decisions.“The links now seem definitively cut with her ex-partner and Virginie admits to feeling a lot of resentment.”For my daughter, I would like him to be there of course… I am also thinking about how I am going to talk to her about his story. But for that, I must first silence the hatred within me…“